part of my world

The time has come

2010-08-23T09:47:00.004+08:00

Thanks Sleeping Beauty for inspiring this post. *hugzzzzz* =)

Finally, the time has come for me take a huge step!
Have been deliberating it for a loooooooong time...
Didn't quite have the courage to make this decision in the first place, prolly coz due to the fact that I was complacent and the mooolah they threw at me in May!!!

There is actually such things..
That you wake up one fine day surer than ever that you want to go ahead with your decision.. SURER than EVER you know!!!
and i've never look back since.

Am looking forward now to this new beginning.. partially scared but excited somehow bout starting anew and all the challenges it poses..
And most importantly... I have the freedom now.
Phew~~

Walaaaa~~ I'm back!

2010-02-03T21:42:00.007+08:00

Aiyoo.. it's been like y.e.a.r.s!!!! since my last entry. I thought blogspot would shut this down already coz it has been inactive for too long =P

I was at Kanasai's page and i found my link! Thanks naybor for not removing it afterall, it has been dead for like erm.. 3 years?? hehe =PPpppp But now, i have ~~hopefully~~ revived it!
It was then that i began reading my previous posts.. It made me smile and how "green' i was back then and defferently I look at things now. It too reminded me why I started this blog in the first place.. to jot down my journey away..

I am still away from home. FYI.

Maybe because that I have grew to be more familiar with this place than my home that's why I stopped and another reason was that I found myself instead of blogging about things, happenings etc.. I was whinning!!!! I am still whinning... but in a different perspective now.

I grew weary of hoping for a transfer
I grew weary of those annoying patients
I grew weary of trying to improve myself at work because it's rather impossible
I grew weary of complaining why am I placed here
I grew weary of the "different" life here
I grew weary being depressed why I am the last one left
I grew weary being jealous of people who gets their transfers just because they have psychotic mothers or dying fathers

I realised that you do not let 'chance' and 'circumstances' deter you from being happy
I realised that you do not beg and wait for something to be given to you
I realised that you have to MAKE the change yourself, like it or not
I realised that there is no reason to put your fate in other peoples hands, you have to determine where your life is heading, not them, no one!
I realised that you cannot be too complacent
I realised too that the world is really damn unfair
I realised that I grew up.........

The bitter pharmacist

2007-11-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

Yeah, it has been awhile since I last sat and blogged.

It has been awhile too that I have time to myself. I was very the happening then so hence the MIA *ahem*cough*ahem*

Now that I have shifted out of the quarters which housed me comfortably for a year and 2 months, I have to begin to adapt again to the new place. No where far, still in the same town but away from what I grew so familiar with over the year.

There was of course the initial depression when I felt so alone and alienated and new. Then later it became boring. Then much later it progressed to routine. Now, it's aimless.
Sheeeesh!

Together with my job, it's like a combo. It makes me lazy now. Reeeeaaaaaaaaly LAZY!
I am turning typical. Some of my close crappy friends already commented that I am turning into a typical. HA HA

What-the-ever

Working in a clinic is such a vast, humungous different from a hospital where money, staff n possibly everything is aplenty. Here, we are the lowest hierachy in the health care system where everything are leftovers, the big juicy meat will be devoured by the hospitals and we get the crumbs. Be grateful I tell you, for there are such things that you are left starving too. So if u get a crumbly crumb.. start Thanksgiving early.

Then comes the difference in patients. Back in my nice poshy hospital, they'll sit down like a civilised person and ~~pretends~~ listens to you until you finished your dispensing speech. Now.. they don't even look at you, they'll just grab their free medication and walk off until one day I was so pissed of when I was holding a Benadryl trying to explain how much to drink, that .. THAT patient just trying to wrenched it from my grasp that I snatched it back and ask him to be the pharmacist instead. Tell me now how to take it and he just shoke his head. That .. THAT person I so the wanna land my fist on his face. URGHhh..
I don't care if you don't get well, I also don't care if you died overdose but pleeeease don't blame it on me for not telling you how much n how to take it. Because I bloody well DID but you weren't LISTENING!!

Anyway, of course there are classic ones which after I gave them all their drugs, they noticed their life-or-death Benadryl is missing. Then they asked me where it is. Then I said, the dr didn't write it so hence it's missing. Then she complained and whined and asked why did the dr forget. You see, I really agree with you out there, I must have missed the mindreading class during Pharmacy school. How the heck am I supposed to know. Forgot kua. So I asked her to go to see the dr again and asked him to write la.. maybe he forgotten. And she nicely sulked and said, "Moi, you pegi tanya sendiri la" WAH. As if my fault la that you don't get your Benadryl.

URGH...

Anyway, of course there are the nice ones. Those who make your day with just a simple smile and a word of thanks. I'll blog about them when I feel nice the next time. Till then.. I need to chill. My zits are popping out because of the stresses.

So I was transferred

2007-09-29T15:06:00.000+08:00

........to 20 km away......

from the hospital to the clinic in the same district. So much for the anticipated exodus.

Inititally when I got the letter, it was originally-written-then-striked-off as Hospital Muadzam Shah! THAT... is a gone place. Phew, when the letter got to me, it was replaced by KK Jaya Gading somewhere about 15-20 mins from Kuantan town. I was relieved. So I was happy.

I was reporting with a few friends and everyone seemed happy with their new posting. So we decided to go have breakfast first since those people made us wait from 8am till 10am then only layan us. So we are hungry and happy. So no need to go to the Bahagian to catfight for an alternative posting.

Halfway through my horrible kononnya chicken cheese sandwich, I received a call asking me whether I want a clinic 20km away from the hospital. WOW. No one expected anyone to be posted there as there is no, never a vacancy. So happened that the lady who was working there for 2 whole years wanted to transferred back to Kuantan and me wanted a place near to KL. Soooooo.. the lady from Bahagian asked me if I want to exchange?

I said yes immediately. Du-uh..

It means I don't have to move at all. I am still living in the same town (well, almost) and I still have those fat-inducing people around me.

Then again, Kuantan sounds more exciting. It has a beach, good & not-so-pricey food, NICE decent edible food, a place you can call shopping mall, Starbucks, McD's breakfast by the beach (fooiyoh), A&W's coney dog! n lots more things to make u happy (and spend mooney lah).

You see.. spoilt for choice.

But in the end decided to stay put where I am comfortable la. *I am so not adventourous*
Be nice and let the lady go to Kuantan la.
Which later I learnt that the guy at that Jaya Gading does not want to move, so the lady got the hospital instead. THANK GOODNESS!! *shudders*

So yeah, I am "continuing" my life in the town I was sent to a year ago and all is good =)

Exactly a year ago

2007-09-02T22:27:00.001+08:00

Today marks ONE year of being away from home, in this new (not so new anymore) place.

wheeee~~~~~

Exactly a year ago I was in the same anxious-cum-aimless-possibly-bitter state. Came to this place which I got so fond of now and thought I would never ever survived. I thought I would rot away here. But here, I found so many things that were lacking, that were absent back in KL. I am happy here.

But then again, someone once said good things never last (really?). Finished my slavery year. Now am no longer a trainee. No longer able to pretend that I know nothing, get away with the remark "I dunno wor, I am a trainee ma". Now, I am a full fledge officer. Everything also must know. People up there will ask you why you don't know. They'll ask you why you didn't learn it during your training. Btw, they expect your one year meagre "training" (slavery is actually more accurate) to teach you how to run a stupid hospital. If that's the case, Hello, I'll be sitting at your place already lor..

Anyway, I am not that bitter yet. I might be tomorrow.

Because again, if you remember, exactly one year ago, I got my posting letter.

So this year, I got another posting letter. Since because you are supposedly to be adequately trained, you'll be shooed out of the training centre which is usually a civilised habitat to some to some funny, dodgy, wasteland. There, you are kinda on your own.

So... I got me letter (did I mention that?)

The adrenaline rush starts again. Everyone of my former classmates and new colleagues are killing their phone bills by calling Putrajaya, BPFK, JKN, friends, families, strangers, etc.. All that anxiety again. So deja vu.

So everyone got their posting. Well, most of them. Again, there is a new list of posting in the class email, updating everyone where everyone is.

As expected, I got Pahang agian. My third choice actually.

I'm glad it's Pahang rather than any other states since I am kinda familiar with this state plus I sorta know who's who.

The THING is....... Grrrrrrrr...........

like last year, I DON'T KNOW WHICH CORNERS OF PAHANG IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'll hear rumours of where there is a critical need of staffs and all. And you get worried. Worried which place you'll get, how far away it is from life, accomodation, etc..

I really really really DETEST this stupid posting-kinda-thingy. Just because we are here and so happen to be smart enough to take up the chosen course that we are bounded to serve. Sometimes, I wish I am stupid-er. You don't care huh whether we are happy or not. You don't care huh that we are separated from our loved ones. You just don't care...

I could be more bitter tomorrow or the opposite.

Lord, help me to accept wherever I am going to go and let me remember how this place, ends.

I leave this place with a heavy heart definately.
To you, I never expected but I am happy =)
My dinner buddies, I will definately miss you guys. You guys are the reason why I grew fat!
My neighbours, it has been wonderful.
My now-roommates, you girls are the best!
My church bro & sis, I am truly blessed.
To those that I've been aquainted here, I wish I could have more time to know you better.

What awaits me tomorrow...

Circumstances

2007-08-31T13:20:00.000+08:00

It's so foolish to be mad at Circumstances.
But Circumstances is so not understanding.
Again, foolishness! Circumstances are not made with understanding or the decerning spirit to jump in at the correct time and place.
A selfish thing!

How can you not be mad at him?
He spoils your plans, he causes disappointments and he rips your belongings
Yet, he is like a child
You are not allowed to be mad at him
It is unacceptable to be mad at him
It is never a reason to get mad
Because it is okay for him to do as he likes

How can you be so selfish then, you ask?
To be mad at something which one has no control of?
To be mad at something which has no basis in the first place to even react?
Yet, the insides of you ache
Aches leading to hurt
Hurt finds it way out of you
And manifest itself as anger.. senseless anger

You do not know what exactly you are mad at?
At Circumstances itself? Perhaps yourself? The others who are caught together by circumstances?
Or perhaps it is self-pity?
Pity pity me..

Where is Perfect then?
or even its subordinate, Good?

Could Circumstances cloud our visions?
Could we fail to see the good?
Are bad more pronounced that we fail to see the many goods, fail to rejoice over them?
Perhaps we take Good for granted.

I'm sorry, Good.
Please come back.

Now, who makes my day

2007-07-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it takes just one polite patient to make your day.
Lately has been so agitated with irritating, demanding, ungrateful patients that I felt so exhausted to even smile at them.
But occasionally, you found yourself talking to a patient who at least know how to smile at you and in the end, after you finished your explaination speech on their more-than-ten-items-prescription, a simple "have a good day" really really sends sunshine through the dark clouds. Or regular patients who recognised you, gives you a friendly nod or an acknowledgement, sends a boost of encouragement through the fatigue body of mine.
On a rare occasion are those who asked about where you are from and wishes you all the best in your training, etc.. I find that I could almost tear.

You don't get a lot back from your patients.
In fact, they get all the care from you. You are concern whether they are taking their medications correctly, whether they really know how to use that stupid-complicated-Novopen or the even-more-complicated-conventional-syringes, whether it works for them, whether they will feel better after that but most just come to your counter with a sullen face, a controlled-irritated tone, a nod and grabbed their medication and just walk off.

Sigh.

Oh well...

They are not well afterall, so they are entitled to look sullen, i guess..
And we are required to smile.
You are just smiling alone... which can be very tiring after sometime.

Lazy, no time and work

2007-06-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

I've been lazy, I admit it.

Left this blog souless for two whole months.

Lots to tell but am lazy and busy now. Got to present my "research" in a fortnight's time plus I still haven't figure out how to use that SPSS programme to analyse and the best part is that I still don't know what to analyse. Great, isn't it?

Work is really catching up. It's natural as we are left with only 2 months plus to fulfill all the quotas required and datelines are around the corner. So much took place over these two months and I do really want to jot it down here but have yet to find the time.

I promise I will.. when I find the time

Surprise, surprise, I am a pharmacist! #1

2007-04-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, things that I do not know surprises me.
Like diphenhydramine is an antihistamine. I thought it was an antitussive, expectorant thingy. Isn't that what's Benadryl for?
Simple simple simple things like this..
It's like a a standard 3 kid who doesn't know her ABCs.

I am so amazed by myself.

Did I forget this? Or I simply do not know?

Btw, it can be an antiemetic too.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Drug Info of the day:

Protamine sulphate
Use: Heparin overdose / neutralises heparin effect prior to surgery etc
Administration: 50mg in 5ml to be given over 10 mins via infusion pump
In M'sia, it comes in the reconstituted form, hence, omit the 5ml WFI recon.

Hormonal talk

2007-04-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

Once I mentioned that it is one of my dying wish to see a helicopter land in front of my place and to my absolute logic that it is a piece of wasteland.. well, it finally landed! No camera, sorry. But I still think it is a wasteland because the helicopter landed on the wrong site! Instead of landing on the helipad, it landed on the piece of grassy land next to it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This place brings to you people that you grew to love and really care about. This place also brings to you people that brightens up your day. And this place also brings you people that will cause you a severe anaphylactic reaction. It is so bad that it can cause convulsions.. a bitch fit to be precise. And I blame it all on the hormones. Amazingly, hormones can be a powerful precipitating agent. It's not me, it's the hormones!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ironic. I was so darn free just last week. And this week (onwards), I am super busy. And the work was not scheduled. It just popped out of the box.. at the eleventh hour. Grrrr...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sometimes the world puzzles me. No, make that most of the time. Logic doesn't apply, I realised. You can't attempt to answer and analyse everything with logic. I later realised that logic is not the best solution.. it is whatever that makes you happy. And then, in some obsolete case, logic is not something everyone is born with.

I am getting so sarcarstic and evil. Sarcastic is good. Evil is bad. I am balanced.

I should stop.. the hormones are really powerful!

Next...

~*~*~*~*~*~

I found her!

My idol!

She is the kind of pharmacist that I want to be, hope to be someday..

I see hope for the profession in her (wow)

She is really good!

Postings

2007-04-03T21:03:00.001+08:00

Darn these postings!

The thing about this job that I really dislike is the on-the-go concept. They can at anytime send you a letter and off you go pack your bags and show up at the new place. And we are not talking about big big towns, we are talking about remote areas which you have no clue which corner of the peninsula they are. You are supposed to find your way there and once you found it, your adventure has just begun. Then comes the part where you try to find a place to stay assuming that in small remote areas, people actually have empty places up for rent. Then after that, when lonliness knocks, you are to find new friends (as in buddies.... *fingers crossed*). Then, when you decided that practising weight-losing isn't going to keep you alive and you need to eat, you have to shut all your sensorium and gobble down whatever they have to offer even if it means the same nasi lemak everyday. Like E-VE-RY S.I.N.G.L.E day!!!

And the worst part is that once you've settled down in that lifeless place and begin to love it's surroundings, you have to anticipate for another move...

Goodbye my breakfast buddy, holiday-roommate, travelling companion...
Life here would be different without you.
Am glad you got somewhere you are happy with.
May we see each other soon... perhaps in May when I'm there ;>
Take care...

Little things

2007-03-19T19:04:00.000+08:00

One of the reasons why I love Temerloh is security. Security in the sense that in any case of diarrhoea, fever, sore throat, emesis and yada-yada.. help is just next door. Literally. No delayed management and choices of treatment is aplenty. So, you are kinda ensured that you won’t be sick for that long.

It’s human’s arrogance that one will think in a way “it will never happen to me”. Well, it did happen. Those cases about Renu® withdrawal and fungal keratitis you read and you go “aww.. poor thing”. Well, stromal abcess! How about that?

I learn about medication in a very weird and perhaps sadistic way. I mean, what is a better way to learn than through experience right? Well, another bit of gold nugget to share, gutt gentamicin used to whack stromal abcess is pretty powerful stuff. So powerful that it can be toxic to the cornea and cause trauma. Am not sure it’s the fortified genta 1.4% or the plain 0.3%. Ahh.. you say.. So now you know and perhaps it’s more adhesive to the brains. Btw, does that constitute an ADR? I should do a reporting.

Preservative free natural tears are worth the money.

No, am not upset about the abcess. In fact, I find it rather umm.. interesting. Another “experience” to my portfolio. I wouldn’t know and if I do, I wouldn’t remember that gutt genta has that ADR, ciloxan® = ciprofloxacin, fortified genta is 1.4% and genta is 0.3%, fortified genta is actually a little stinging to the eye, CMC ointment is horrible!, gutt CMC carries a bitter aftertaste, flourescein Na is really fluorescent mannn.. ahh.. I learnt so much! What a good way to learn! Experience is neurophilic and adsorbs really well.

The amazing thing about medicine is that I got 3 different diagnosis on a condition on the same day! It started with conjunctivitis, then proceeded to foreign body in the eye, and then stromal abcess. Wonderful, just wonderful…

I realize I resemble rabbit now more than anything. Red eyes, vegetable-consuming and fat (perhaps fluffy).

Had consumed more vegetables and fish in these few months more than I had ever consumed in a year. Hurray to that. I am no longer unique!

Next year, I vow to be an understanding, reasonable and a better him. I should be grateful to him for the motivation and hopefully won’t be called a potatohead

MC needs extension?? I didn’t know being sick falls under the category of incompetence and it’s deemed as lazy.

How is that possible? I actually met someone who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and has plenty of credit to treat his friends. I got free phone! Wheeee~~ What a blessing, God!

Seriously, it still amazes me how God works. The verse that goes, His ways are not ours, is simply awe-struck. What initially thought of as the-end-of-the-world-oh-God-why-and-please-kill-me-instead turned out to be simply awesome. I will actually miss this place terribly come August.

It’s just amazing how God provides. Taught me how to not look at things through my mortal eyes and not try to comprehend His plans. He, again and again, proved that He will not leave you nor forsake you even at the ends of the earth. Indeed omnipotent.

PoP

2007-02-22T23:00:00.001+08:00

This is so addictive!!

here.. the lyrics to go with it. It's so sing a-long that i just have to google the lyrics so that I could sing it over and over again.

lyrics - way back into love

and this is so cheesy-ly cool!

whoever who directed this video is cool-dom. So typical of a 80's poppish Duran Duran kinda lame cheesy video. Ahhhh...

and this is well.. nice

Hugh Grant can sing pretty decently *whooweet*

and who is Hayley Bennett?

I am good and nice

2007-02-20T14:47:00.000+08:00

I admit I am a sucker for personality quizes. I don't know why. Probably it's because they always say nice things about you. They DO make you feel you are a nice person *coughs*

Ya ya.. they are inaccurate sometimes but they are kinda accurate MOST of the time.
Hmm... I suspect it is because they are always saying nice sugary sweet things about you and you want to believe that you are that nice so you think it's accurate. Ahhh.. what a scam. All lies!

But it's still fun.

So yeah.. I killed my CNY boredom with blogthings. They have all sorts of nonsensical personality quizes which is bound to keep you occupied during this oh-so-the-darn-bohhhhring CNY when everyone is at their kampung and will only be back like what.. thursday! I took the whole week off and everyone went back to hometown?!? I should have just stayed back and save the world. Did I just say that? *dumdeedum....*

If you are just as bored as I am.. here, try these..

You Communicate With Your Eyes

When you say, "I'll believe it when I see it" - you really mean it.
For you, what you see is a lot more important than what you hear.
You don't take someone's words at face value. You judge people by their facial expressions, body language, and appearance.
You tend to be quiet, but when you talk, you tend to make eye contact and describe things in colorful detail.

How Do You Communicate?

Oh how true this is.... *ahem*

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

What Color Is Your Brain?

Green vegetative brain that's it.

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Sunrise? You kidding me? Lies!! Of all things.. sunrise *snicker*

You Are An ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

What's Your Personality Type?

I enjoy nature? with children? and what.. paediatrician?!?! and a good one too??!?! This is too much already..

Now, stop sulking and go have fun doing them. I promise they can keep you occupied the whole day the least.. if you are self-absorbed enough.

My attempt at creative writing

2007-02-18T14:14:00.001+08:00

Would I be able to to let go?
Would I be able to forgive and take it anew?
Would I be able to control the embedded emotions?
Would I be ready to accept the new changes?

Am I strong enough to face it?
Am I willing to put myself out there again?
Am I ready to gamble 'gain'?
Am I ready to accept changes that comes along with these years of silence?

Two years has gone by
Two years of recluse and avoiding all that reminds
Now, do I really want to gain back what I initially cherished so much and later on, what was remained that I so reluctantly let go before I get myself burnt completely?

Have you not erased me? A mere contact I have become and all these while of silence, I am still a part of your address book?
Do I tell myself that I am still being appreciated?
Or do I tell myself that I am part of a collection?

Now, I hate to think otherwise of you.
Neither do I think the better.
It has become just a thought.

I have no more hate, no more memories
I do not remember much either...

As she was penning this down, her phone rings. The tune was her favourite. A call from her favourite group of people. A glance at the screen and a smile slowly spreads across her face. She answers and the voice at the other end made her slammed her diary shut.

She has moved on..

The journey and the destination

2007-01-21T13:57:00.000+08:00

Someone reminded me of an old old saying today.

" Life is all about the journey, not the destination"

I always thought that life is all about the destination, not the journey...

Which got me into thinking.. Which is more important?

The journey? or the destination?

I always thought that in order to achieve what you want, to achieve the destination, the goal, it doesn't matter how difficult the journey is, what perils that come in its way or stumbles and roadblocks. Let the journey be bitter but savour the sweetness of your victory in the end when you finally crossed the finish line.

Then again.. is the destination that important? Must we go through a decade of bitterness to reach the destination? Will we still be able to enjoy it afterall these? Will it still be important then? Is it worth it?

Or should we make the journey pleasant all the way and settle at whichever land that the journey leads us to?

Which is more important?

To live for the moment or to aim for the future?

For something tangible or for a promise of hope?

6 degrees of separation

2007-01-20T19:08:00.000+08:00

I used to wonder..

How could is be possible? You need to know only 6 persons in this world to be connected to the whole entire world?

Only 6??

That...so little....

But lately with the random people that I meet again and how people are connected to other people.. to the point where it's getting freaky, it's true.. the world is really small..

I am a believer now

So random

2007-01-07T02:06:00.000+08:00

Lately I felt that I have been 'meeting' or rather bumped into people very randomly and very frequently.

This strange happening started from the place I am working now. About a month ago or so, I met this MO who used to be a chess hero back in the high school hay-days. That was Form 2.

Then another stange random 'meeting'. I bumped into this MO in my quarters who look exactly like a temporary teacher we had back then in Form 2 (again). Then there was once I had to call this MO to query on some prescription and boy boy.. the name also the same! Then when I spoke to him.. OMG! I think it's En Zainie who taught us science!

Never would I thought I would ever see them again. Now, I am working with them and living in the same block!

That's not all.

Was heading home on Friday. Got off the train with a colleague and saw someone standing at the top of the stairs who looks like this MO back in the hospital but thought that was pretty far-fetched. As we got closer, my colleague turned and looked at me and pointed at that guy. So it is him. All the way.. 126km and we still bumped into him. At a train station! In the big city!

And just today, I was at PDA Expert looking for a PDA to save my ass during ward rounds. Was looking at this Palm the guy recommended. The uncle next to me was commenting how nice it is and all. I requested to look at the medical softwares they had and the uncle asked if I am a doctor. I said I am a pharmacist. He then said his daughter is also a pharmacist from USM. O_O
Just graduated, now migrating to Canada. (Sounds familiar). Later I found out that he is Sharon's dad! WOW.

So random!

It has to happen here..

2006-12-30T15:02:00.001+08:00

When you wake up in the morning with a red, itchy, teary left eye and starts to shudder at a mere 25 degrees of air-condition, you know you are screwed.

Then later in the day, you discover that your nose is pouring and your throat is burning. It must be the dust. Afterall, I've not dusted the room for awhile since I am only home during the weekends and spring cleaning is usually not in the agenda. Hey, I am short of time to fulfill my KL food cravings over 2 days (collectively) to even bother to sleep let alone think about spring cleaning?!? I need to eat!

Did I digress?

Neway, yeah.. it's the dust. An allergic reaction. And noooo.. it didn't go away. It gets worst and you have a buffet (food food food!!) to attend later. So what you do?

Time for my prophylactic regimen~

You realised later that all your prophylactics are 126km away, it then dawned upon you that you are really screwed. No loratadine, no menthol crystals, no CMC ointment, no eye drops, no cetrizine, no chlorpeniramine, no papase, no vitamin C.... no getting well!

Of all places, I have to succumb to those pathogens HERE!

Now I know why I like it there so much. It means you are generally well all the time or be well in no time.

I think I've developed dependence.

Tis the season to be jolly~

2006-12-25T17:12:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!!

What is wrong?!?

2006-12-10T01:22:00.000+08:00

How come it is short lived?
How come it wasn't as full as before?
How come I am beginning to wonder?

Is expectation the devil? Stealing away the golden nuggets of joy?
Is mundaness the thief? No excitement because you know what to expect?
Or is rivalry the culprit? Silent tug-of-wars to be called champions?

What do they see?
Why are they doing it?
What is wrong?

Expectations.
Oh, what a destroyer it is.
Happiness in its absence
Disappointment as it dawns

Often times, it is so difficult to find those that could understand what the heck you are talking about and let alone stumbled upon those who know how to react to it. Angels they are, sent only by the One above for you...

Many a times, you wonder if you are the only soul out there who speaks human-ish or is it the other way round, where the rest speaks human-ish and you don't. So am I the weird one or the world is weird?

I prefer to think that I am weird and the world is weirder. I am just trying to adapt.

Changes

2006-12-02T12:40:00.000+08:00

How much things can change over time and how much more things can change when you are met with different circumstances.

Things changes when we are in a new environment. Wants, wishes, desires, needs and expectations will somehow over the course of time, through adaptation, will change pretty drastically. It's very much like Darwin's evolution theory. When placed in a new surrounding, one will learn to adapt and develop characteristics demanded from them for survival. The weak will learn to find the quiet strength in them and fight; the timid will learn to be bold and stand up; the quiet will find the voice to speak up; the arrogant will learn humbleness, realizing it's a symbiotic world we are living in, depending on one another to meet each other’s needs, that no man can be an island; and the naive will learn to ripen up and face the world.

Molded according to the die so that one could fit in and not be left out, one will develop or perhaps find in him qualities and manner that he never knew existed in him or could possibly possess. At times, it can be surprising and amusing, learning and rediscovering yourself again.

So Darwin is not entirely wrong... if the theory is applied to emotional characteristics instead of physical characteristics (proves again that man are shallow...sigh). A new environment DOES bring out a different person. A different environment can change a person. It can make you happy if you just shut up, stop complaining and look at the bright side. You will survive. If you choose to complain, feel depress and DECIDE to hate it, chances are that you will STILL survive (humans are actually made of pretty tough stuff) and STILL be happy... as happy as those flies dining on cow dung.

So lesson of the day, shut up and live with it! Others have it worst than you and yet they are not complaining simply because smart people knows that by babbling on and on about it will not change things. Learn how to accept changes because changes will not adapt to you. Changes can be your friend or your enemy depending on how you see it.

Oh how I wish i could stuff that apple in that big gab..

Raya at kampung

2006-11-03T16:39:00.001+08:00

Was away for 2 weeks because I was on call for the Raya week. What initially thought of as a depressing lonely week turned out otherwise (thank you Lord for looking out for me from above).

Drove up on Monday morning at 5.30am. Wee~~ The mist and all.. Indeed, I quote someone, "it's like going to heaven". Really. The whole surrounding was heavenly. Wonders of nature.

Monday's work was hellish in contrast to the start. So many MVA's (motor vehicle accidents)! No surprise actually and we expected that. It's the festive season afterall! Since the satellite pharmacy I am in covers the ortho and surgical wards, workload was mountainous. What supposedly to end at 1pm took and an extra 2 hours. So work at satellite ended about 3pm. Then there were 7 TDM samples waiting for me! What is wrong with the world?!? Why so many sick people wann... and of all days when we are so short of staffs. All the while during my posting there, I have never received 7 samples in a day and given anytime I was there, I would have rejoiced and jumped with glee because then, I wouldn't have any free time to clerk patients! But on Monday, I literally prayed that they would just disappear. I had only 2 hours of sleep the day before and woke up at 5am to drive to work. No lunch yet at 3pm and signs and symptoms of hypoglycemia was starting to kick in. Decided to just grab a bun and head straight to the TDM lab (a wise move I realised later). Since it's a public holiday, we are to use a slower, less efficient machine to run the samples to save cost. Ran the vancomycin sample which I initially promised the HDU staff nurse before lunch (ooopss) and then 5 genta samples which I discovered 2 of the samples belonged to discharged patients. Sheesh! To add to the misery, the reagent ran out. There's no stock in the stor! I had to perform some magic and thank goodness it work. Good boy!

5pm already.

That's like working a full day!

Then came the phenytoin sample which I thought would be done by 5.30pm. Ran it thrice because the control was out of range. To add to the misery the control also ran out. Since I utilised all the 3 controls, I had but no choice calibrate the darn thing. Took me another good 30 minutes. Then the result came out toxic. Geee.. more work. Call the ward to enquire about patient's weight for calculation purpose, and what answer I got?

"Patient sudah discharge" (you kidding me? another one?!?!) @#$%#@#

The classic part was that the HO told me he accidently and mistakenly took the sample. He chuckled and innocently asked me why I am working till so late and not home yet. Now, I don't know whether to laugh with him or just reach over the phone and strangle him. Grrrr...

I broke all records and headed home at 7pm. 7pm!!! Nobody goes home at 7pm. A good extra SIX hours!! Forget all dinner plans. I collapsed at 9pm.

The next few days improved however. Since it's Raya, my Malay colleagues brought their own specialty and lunch was provided. Hehe. Tried so many new things.. buah salak (dry fruit.. really different), tapai (erm.. tasted like rotten food), buffalo meat (trust me, the only way to describe how it taste is well, buffalo), lotong (vege mix) and a whole lot more which I can't remember their names. Went visiting to colleague's house too.

Am glad I was there during Raya. It is certainly different from KL. Opened my eyes to this culture and it is really a BIG BIG thing over there.

Will be on call again next week. (Boy, I am so in demand)

So far...

2006-10-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

So much has taken place in the past 2 weeks and I ~~am lazy~~ have no time to update.

This week is a lil different as I'll be going to Neverland only on Monday morning. That gives me the whole Sunday free! I've realised how precious time is here in KL. So I thought I would update a lil before this blog dies *snicker*

It has been over a month now and I am kinda settled down already. So here's a summary of what these 7 weeks at work and at a new town spurned out.

I am still enjoying my job which till yesterday, you are kinda officially jobless/free after lunch. There you kill time by eating cookies, yakking, playing shoot baskets, Soduku or Sodoku.. however you spell it, go kacau people in other departments, frequent pointless toilet trips.. whatever you can think of.
I love the place I am staying.
I love it even more now that we found some new kaki's although I still don't like the girl who stays opposite me. She doesn't seem to know how to close her door. All she knows is to open it, enter and leave it to slam shut LOUDLY. The other day I nearly wanted to tie her to the door frame and have the door slam on her when she slams the door not once nor twice but 4 times in a row which of two I jumped out of my skin and nearly fell off the chair.
I love Yee Lian's cookies!!! She has been feeding us with her wholesome freshly baked cookies ranging from cornflakes to chocolate, crushed Oreos and coconut. Ahhh~~
Now that I have found out that there will be friends hanging around during the Raya break, I am looking forward to work next week as I am my own boss in the satellite pharmacy. Hehe. But of course, if there is any problems or queries or any warfarin counselling, then I am on my own and am screwed.
I am still waiting for a helicopter to land (if ever) on the helipad in front of my block. They should build a food court there instead or maybe even a shopping mall.
I am forcing myself to watch Buletin Utama so that I would know that the thick heavy thing that blankets the sky which I awoke to and thought was mist is actually haze. Because of the fact that I am too kiamsiap to buy newspaper and I do not have the Net over there makes me a really ignorant inhabitant of Mother Earth
I lost weight thanks to the dinner concoctions or maybe.. it's the frequent aimless wandering around the hospital..
There is less or no distractions there. So generally, even if you are filthy and stinking rich, there is no place for you to spend your money. You hardly spend no more than RM50 a week there. Neat!
The best part is that thanks to the lab coat, you don't have to iron your clothes beneath (OOoooppss.. that's not me! I noticed some people lah). As long as you keep the white coat curry-stain free, no one cares what you are wearing beneath.
The whole place is air-conditined so there will be no sauna therapy.. even in 3rd class wards. Phew!
Staffs have 'secret' entrance to the wards.. hehe.. I kinda like those passageways.
The people there are generally nice. Most of them.
I get to wake up at 7.30 am and still get to punch in 5 minutes before 8am
I get to fan my clothes dry the whole night.. literally.. with the fan
My BM is improving tremendously (even Z said my BM is fluent already! haha)
I am still trying to learn Mandarine. Felt real stupid when a Chinese patient speaks to you in Mandarine and all I could do was to ask them to wait while I fetch someone who can or resort to speaking a rojak of Chinese dialects which consist of Canto, Mandarine, Hakka and Hokkien.. all tah-pau into a sentence.
Realised that Joshua 1:5 is surer than before. I might have said this before but time and time again it appears so clearly in front of me, as if to serve as a reminder everytime I felt hopeless and lost, that wherever He leads you, He will have it all planned out for you and He will answer prayers in His time and according to His will.

Basically, I think I am happy there. I think...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all~~

Working perils

2006-10-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

My one month rotation at TDM has ended *sob*sob*
I really like it there. The workload is simply wonderful. I am so free to wander around the hospitals and wards and I could actually sit there and yak with the nurses, doctors, patients, and even the admin clerk. Whoever that will layan me. That is how free I was. And it feels nice whenever you suggest a dose change due to toxicity or under therapeutic range, it is heeded.

Am now in satellite pharmacy. We do screening, filling, bedside dispensing and discharge counselling. Workload here is fine too. At least time passes faster here and it's not freezing cold.

This incident happened 2 days ago. I was doing discharge couselling and dispensing to one of the surgical wards. Found the patient, and dutifully explained the drugs

Me: Selamat pagi
Her: Selamat pagi
Me: Saya bagi ubat. Yang warna kuning dan merah ini, antibiotic. Mesti makan sampai habis untuk bunuh semua kuman. Jangan dah baik tak makan tau.
Her: she nods
Me: (continuing) Ini warna coklat, ubat untuk tahan sakit. Makan bila sakit lah. Tak payah habiskan dan makan selepas makan untuk elak rasa pedih kat perut.
Her: she nods
Me: so, puan faham tak?
Her: She nods again
Me: Baik. (in order to fill up the counselling form, I have to ask her a few questions)
Me: Boleh tanya sikit soalan? Apa kerja puan?
Her: Staff nurse

Crap!

So embarrasssing...

There I was telling her how to take it and all those nonsense and she's a staff nurse!! She would had fed hundreds of patients with those and probably knows it better than me. Aiya.. so so malu le..

And I never learn from my mistake..

Moved to the next patient getting discharged and dispensed the same antibiotics and painkillers and explain all those layman instructions and found out she's also a staff nurse... working in that particular ward also!

Oh mann...

Two in a row!

I should really ask them first thing what is their occupation the next time I do discharge counselling.. in case they are some specialist or pharmacist being warded.

So darn embarrassing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There was this particular patient that I met who knows the name of his drugs at the back of his head.. he knows the generic name, mind you. The fact that he is on a dozen of drugs and he can remember it impressed me so much that I stood there and talked to him for more than half an hour. A patient who realised the importance of knowing what he is taking is like God-sent. They make things so much easier for those treating him and those who have to talk to them about their drugs. Hehe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am transported back to being a student.

Not that I don't like being one. I like it a lot in fact.

Back then, being a true student, you just simply sit in lectures or in bad hair days, you just skip them, get to go home before the roads are jammed up, mistakes are permissible and are no big deal.. worse that could happen is that you fail that subject.

But now, being a student here is different.

It doesn't have all that was mentioned above.

What remained the same for those hey -days are presentations, case clerking, presentations again and attending presentations by others. We also have to do a full fledge research which I have no idea how to. I learnt statistics back in first year! I am gone.

Anyway, the new combo is the addition of this big thing called responsibility or rather accountability.

Whatever you do or recommend, if it kills... you'll be killed too.

Now... it sucks being a student.

The only consolation to it is that I am a paid student this time.

By declaring Monday off...

2006-10-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this. They actually declared 22nd a public holiday!! No, you are getting me wrong. I am NOT happy about that. ARRGGGHHH!

Unfortunately, though I see it coming from the day I learnt about the whole on-call system, I knew I will be the ~~idiot~~ lucky contestant who will be the first caller. Yes, I am on call. Why am I so frustrated was that over here in Pahang, the dear Sultan's birthday falls on the first day of Raya. So naturally, it will be carried forward and we Pahang folks are officially off on Thursday as well. This means that, we can zoom back to beloved KL on Friday evening and only return to forsaken land on Thursday night. That is like a whole week off!! I thought you only get that during school days! I am so urgh! I'll be all alone here while the rest enjoy KL =(

Their initial plan was that they remain here for the weekends and only drive down to KL on Monday evening. No point going home during the weekends and then again on Monday. So at least I'll have them around for the weekends. Since now they decided to be generous and grant the country another day off, Pahang folks will be enjoying a (almost) whole week off while pity pity me because for the love of the country and mankind, I am stuck in stupidland. I feel so sorry for myself. I know, self pity is pathetic but what could be more pathetic being stuck here?

I must admit I felt jealous. The week is going to be so…void! I need to take leave... soon... to compensate! So the not fair! And I don't even get extra allowances or OT for working at that time #^*&^#@#@!

Taking risks

2006-09-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

I am never or hardly a risk taker.

But no matter how I tried to balance and weigh everything from its pros and cons, somehow I realised that we can never escape taking risks. Life itself is full of uncertainty. Therefore, not all problems or issues can be decided by weighing which is better and which is worst.

Sometimes, the crossroad itself is foggy. We cannot decide which path leads to the greens and which to the sand. The path that leads to the left or to the right. Which is good and which is bad. Which is better and which is worst. Which would you prefer? A lush green pasture or a sandy bay? Fields of petunias or seashells and sandcastles? Which is better? How would you know?

Yes, we can anticipate and imagine what the outcome would be if we made a choice of petunias instead of sandcastles or vice versa but how accurate are our anticipation and imagination? In present, we can only let our mind wander and picture creatively the outcome of our choices but what it eventually turns out to be could deviate. There is no standard equation to the outcome like in maths,

1 + 1 = 2
or
10 - 4 = 6

In life, 1+1 could equal to 11 or 47567 or 9465384. It could be anything. And yeah, it could by 1:7864343243 chances still be equal to 2.

Logic helps a little but it sits mostly in the sidelines.

I used to think that with logic, you can always decide which path to take when you meet a crossroad. I realised that logic is not effective anymore because I do not know which path is better. Would I prefer a green pasture or perhaps white fine sand? Which will suit me more?

It's rather funny that I am asking that because I really don't know which. Sounds like I hardly know myself now.

Both no doubt has its pros and cons but which bad is BAD and which good is really good?

What I would normally tell people and myself is that in the end of the day, the choice would be the one that makes you most happy and after making that choice, there should never be any regrets shall you look back one day. I know that. But the thing is I don't know which makes me happier. How would you know what the path would offer when you have not traveled it? How do you decide when both paths are equally foggy. It couldn't even offer a slightest clue of how it would look like.

This is where you have to reluctantly give up your logical senses and TAKE RISKS. Bear all the consequences of your choice. Good or bad. Reap the fruit and drink in the sorrow.

I don't like this. The choice is based on some intangible reasoning without knowing the outcome. It's not substanstial and is basically like trying to grasp the wind.

Lord, which path is worth the risk?

It's art, stop laughing!

2006-09-16T19:25:00.000+08:00

Really.. it irritates the crap outta me when people who doesn't know art, doesn't know how to appreciate art thinks it's funny.

Was in the cinema today watching.. bizzarely... a Chinese film, The Banquet. Friend said the cinematography is breathtaking and judging from the poster, it does look attractive. I am a sucker for films set in ancient times. Plus, there's Zhang Ziyi and Daniel Wu. Ha..

Amazingly, we managed to get tickets.. on a phreaking Saturday without booking!

Indeed, the movie was simply beautiful. Artsy. I wouldn't mind watching it again. It's beautiful.

What irritated the crap outta me is that when you are relating or feeling the emotion the movie is trying to express.. someone or rather a group of Cina Ah Bengs started laughing. It's not even funny. I was puzzled.. There the whole cinema was sympathizing with the character and they laughed.. thinking it was a punch line or meant to be one.

Oi! Spoil mood only la.

The actress was speaking poetically and they.. laughed....

What is so funny??

Did they get their fragments of brains screwed up properly into a single piece this morning?

If you don't understand what the story/actor is trying to portray, at least please.. don't laugh so heartily and LOUD when no one is! Feel like throwing popcorns at whoever it is. Or even my shoe!

Urgh!

Sometimes when a person is trying to emote through art, people find it funny/hilarious. It disturbs me.

It's not a crime not knowing how to appreciate art. I frankly do not know how to appreciate it fully too but at least respect it la.

It IS then a crime when you don't respect it!

There, the person is trying to express and you laugh at them?!?
A person is trying to express sadness.. through a poem, perhaps, or a dance movement, or a song, or a mime and you laugh at them?!?
Being sad is funny isit? Being emotional is funny isit?

What kind of person are you?

You insensitive whale.

To those who laughed at artistic expressions.. let's enlighten you on Law 888 of how not to be a buffon.
You only laugh when it is a comedy! You know, when the show has Jim Carey or in it and it has a REAL punch line. Other then that, you don't laugh. If you don't know what expression to put on or how to react, just be very quiet and we might think you don't exist. We'll appreciate it greatly. If not, just be a copycat and follow the majority.. they are probably right.

I just think that because you find it difficult to express it out yourself while others can and do, with passion, you find it absurdly ackward and weird but that doesn't give you a right to laugh at that person for expressing his emotions. It takes a lot guts to express and more, if through art. It bares a person's vulnerability and not everyone can do that. Therefore, to those who can, we should respect them somehow.. and the first thing is by NOT LAUGHING at what they are doing or trying to do.

Grow a heart!

First week at work and away

2006-09-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since.
Work was fine.
In TDM now and will be for a month or so.
Was panicky initially as I do not remember any of the calculations at all and all those pharmacokinetics gibberish. Then I found out I have to run the samples too! My clerkship at HKL didn't prepare me for that. I thought they would be run by a separate lab with technicians like what is happening at HKL. So that's not the case here. Then that's where the very much disliked subject like Pharmaceutical Analysis which I skipped through most of the lesson becomes so darn useful. Now.. only now.. I understand why the uni made us learn subjects like that and throw us into the labs for hours to fiddle with machines that could very well buy you a bungalow. So that we would know how to use those microliter pippettes (which I had tremendous fun ejecting the used components) and know what a centrifudge machine looks like. And most importantly, press the correct buttons!

Thank goodness for the senior who is very helpful and willing to teach me step by step. Got the hang of it and it is fun I must say. I remembered telling my classmates back then during the final year first sem that I don't mind being a TDM pharmacist and here I am.. my first rotation in TDM =) Did I say it was fun? Haha.

The scary part was writing the doctors love messages suggesting to withold dose and all and getting my name signed there. They will come hunting for you if a patient dies of nephrotoxicity from gentamicin *shudders*

The amazing and exciting part is that everyone there was telling me that there's a reason why I was posted to that department first. Since most of the PRPs are finishing their training in a months time, I would then be routed into the on-call duties since I would have finished my TDM rotation by then.. and supposedly well trained enough to come to the lab in the wee hours in the morning to run samples of paracetamol and salicylates toxicity. Let's just hope that when it's my turn, no one decides to kill themselves with 500 Panadol®. Use other methods yeah..

Ironically for a person who is afraid of blood, in her very first rotation, she is handling blood samples and surprisingly, she didn't feel nausea or anything. Guess I could handle blood samples.. in a few mililitres. Haha.

But it wasn't all fun to handle these samples when the diagnosis is RVD or something like that. I have to be really really careful. No open wounds.

Realised that the clerkships that we had during our final year was really really valuable. It did give me an idea of what to expect in each department and the little ability to decipher those medical jargons and THOSE handwritings.. I tell you, I could write better with my left hand! So who said that what you learn in class is not applicable to the working world? It does apply.. a whole lot too! Really thankful now to Ms Hong for that TDM clerkship. She thought us exactly what we will encounter now.

Will need to study up pharmacokinetics this weekend before I kill anymore people.

Anyway, that was work.

Last Monday, SK invited us over for dinner. I was astonished as I only met her the day before. She was really nice. Insist that I come over and my friends are invited too. Said she wanted to cook us some home-cooked meal since we are deprived of that or even proper food over there. She came all the way to pick us up at our place and drove us to her very very lovely home. I didn't expect that area to have such nice houses! Hehe.

She cooked us a feast! A whole three course meal! We had garlic bread and cream of mushroom for starter. Then seafood spaghetti for the main course. Fruits and sparkling juice for dessert. My oh my.. and she served such a big serving that all of us could not finish.

Was really touched by her hospitality. It kinda changed my stigmatised mind from 'that town is hopelessly gone case' to 'not exactly gone case yet'. This reminds me of Joshua 1:5. Wherever God sends you, He already has it all planed out for you. So I kinda quit questioning already.. just submit and let Him worry for me. He didn't promise a bed of roses nor life without hills and mountains, but He did promise to be there with me all the way...

Thank you all for your prayers and concern. I'm fine.

To all who are constantly checking on me to see this city girl through the week, it means a lot over there. Thanks!

~*~*~*~*~

And dear PS made mashed potatoes! Wohooo! I have dinner!! I'm so blessed. The moon was lovely that night, woman!

After the 1st Sept

2006-09-03T02:10:00.000+08:00

I am home for the weekend! Phew!

It was crazy man.. running all around Pahang the whole day.

I have much to say but at this time, I have not packed yet for my exodus (which is the reason why I am back home for the weekend). So I should keep this short this time and hopefully I get to blog the whole entire ~~nightmare~~ adventure the next time.

Was posted to somewhere I refused to believe that there was a possibility to be actually posted to. I did not land in where I wanted, wished and dreamed. So I had a culture shock, depression for 2 days (but I am better now.. God is beginning to show me 'why' already), spend a whole lot of money so that I can work for them, mad rush for a place to stay, and appreciate good ol KL... my home and all that I have in KL all these years

Sorry that this is a half-baked post. Just wanted to put up something when the emotions are still raw. Okay, I gotta pack.

~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks Cheryl for being an angel. You are certainly the bestest friend anyone can ask for. I am deeply touched. I thank God for sending you to me.. Love ya loads!

August.. phew!

2006-08-29T15:56:00.000+08:00

It is almost the end of the month. August seemed to be full of excitement. What initially perceived as a dreadful month turned out to whoosh pass you in a blink. First there was the day where the posting letter arrived which created a buzz in our mundane sendentary life for a week. Everyone was busy updating themselves with who got where and who is going to appeal. Cupidlun (our class email/ update portal) has never been busier. Everyone was scurrying to look for those who got posted to the same state as them for arrangements of some sort.

Then come the convo which caused much hassle (but worth every bit of it). Everyone came home with a hangover and hibernated for the week.

Next, is the exodus. The most exciting part. Almost 90% of us will be packing and heading to some unknown land and settle down there for at least a year. We are literally dispersed all around Malaysia for goodness sake. All except Perlis. The beauty is that whichever state we visit, we'll be guaranteed a friend there.. who could probably house us and perhaps feed us too =P

Here, I wanna wish all my fellow comrades the best in their new working place and may them find fulfillment in it.

We are now officially pharmacists!! Difficult to believe because frankly I don't remember anything. Like anything at all. Don't ask me doses, don't ask me logarithms, don't ask me MOAs, don't ask me side effects, don't ask me the drug of choice, heck.. don't even ask me the indication of the drug. I really don't remember!
Now, I am worried for the patients.

Will be out of action for a while because probably will not have internet connection there so soon. Will post as soon as I can or whenever I am home.

This is gonna be exciting... I hope..

Officially graduated

2006-08-25T04:11:00.000+08:00

Finally. After..

4 years of slaving,
8 semesters of endless report datelines crammed with mad quizes,
52 subject with mania inducing finals,
many great moments,
some totally pointless attachments and lectures,
several great lecturers (whom without them, we will be totally clueless),
a few pain-in-the-ass (yes, i still think i want to shoot him),
and ONE great class..

We have officially graduated!

What initially started off as a hassle (to me) with the convocation being held not in my own campus in KL but in Penang, turned out to be one of the best days ever! The happiest..

You might be wondering why I think it is a hassle. Well, for start we have to travel 4 hours plus to Penang [thanks Elaine who made the trip enjoyable =)]. After that, we had to rush to USM campus for gown collection which was at 4-6pm. We reached Penang at about 4.30pm. To make the adrenaline running, we were lost in the campus itself! It's sooo big! Sorry for the ooh-ahh(s). Coming from a private uni in KL where land is scarce and expensive, this is a big big campus plus it was our first time there. The signboards wasn't helpful because roads were cordoned off due to the convocation. The directions provided by the guards were ermm.. vague. The signs on the building weren't visible from the road.

But anyhow, we managed to find the Perpustakaan Sendut 1 (note that there are 1 and 2 and the beauty is that they are located miles away from each other) and hence the Bilik Jubah. Collected our regalia and catched up with the rest who were already there. Phew!

Then there was this totally pointless rehearsal at 8.30pm. Yeah, they call it rehearsal.
What we thought was that they will seat us accordingly and let us practise going on stage and accepting the scroll but what it turned out to be was a inaudible briefing! We just sat in the crowded hall and can barely hear the guy telling us what to do. To those who didn't bother to attend.. smart!

Anyway, that was Friday.

We have the entire Saturday free. Well it turned out, not exactly..
Initial plan was to bring home the robe and do my studio shoot in KL where it's more familiar and collection of the photos was easier plus I engaged May to paint the face because I am a make-up dunno (that was when I was not tech-savvy enough to think of things like photoshop laa). Hehe. But when I stepped into USM on Friday, I realised it was impossible for me to go up to Penang and returned the robe without a car! The distance between the Bilik Jubah and where I am to collect my transcripts and scroll will crippled me!

While we were dinning near USM on Friday while waiting for the rehearsal to start, we stumbled upon really good packages offered by studios around USM. It's cheaper too! Boy, were we surprised considering the studio is just right opposite USM, one would thought they would hike up the price to slaugther desparate lambs like us. Even with the hike, it's still waaaay much cheaper than KL. So had my studio shoot there on Saturday. Went around Penang for a short while but I was in no mood and tired due to lack of sleep thanks to mamak sessions. I make such a bad traveller!

Then come Sunday!!
Woke up at a graveyard hour.. 5 am! What a hassle! The Vistana entourage consisting of KO, KL and KY wanted to leave at 6.30 am so that we can reach USM and secure the nearest shady parking =P

It was like a mad mad mad house over at USM. Fleets of Barney look-a-likes were scattering around the hallway of the lecture halls where we are supposed to report ourselves. Eager parents all dressed up for the occasion were helping their kids with their robes, fastening the mortar board and trying to figure out how to wear that thing they call 'kalong'.

And there was this 'pesta' going on which I didn't have time to visit. It was akin to what you'll get at your high school's Hari Kantin except that the things sold there are cheaper.

Such a festive feel!

USM certainly made their convocation a helluva fuss.
It's a good feeling.. as if the whole world is celebrating with you.

Too bad we weren't allowed to bring cameras in the hall. It was a very grand. And we got front seats! Teehehe.
Our course was the first to go on stage. Those marshals at the side of the hall were... amazing. They will usher you, ask you to stand, sit and pull you out of the queue if you wear your robe wrongly. They'll be busy adjusting your robe. That's when you feel like a celebrity having people fuss over your costume before going on stage. Heh.

I can't even remember those 2 fleeting seconds I was on stage. All I remember was hearing my name (pronounced correctly..phew!) and I just walk looking out for the markers to stop walking. Haha.

After that, it was pure torment. Boredom.
The course that proceeds after us took up half the hall. So basically, it just went on and on and on... zzzz..
The many ways we kept ourselves awake ranges from looking (and critique-ing) at outfits worned by those going on stage as we have front row seats. Ha. Those saris are so beautiful! When i mention sari, I have to say, Prim beats them all! I forgot to take a picture of her sari =( Now it makes me wanna go buy a sari.. but I have to take care of my excessively buldging abdominal mass first. Oh.. and for goodness sake, green does not, NEVER EVER goes with purple!

We got bored of that after an hour or so, so we amused ourselves next with the music played by the live band. Most of the tunes are like what I told Ee Fern who sat next to me, are music that you'll probably get when you turned on RTM 1 though the traditional gamelan music was really cool. Oh.. and guess what music they play when it was our turn on stage?

..

..

..

..

My Heart Will Go On from Titanic!
We were like what?!?
What's the relevance? *raised eyebrows*
But aih.. since it's like RTM 1 which no one watches, so I guess no one pay attentions too.

Then, we proceed to checking out shoes of those on stage.
Even with all these, there were still so much time to spare.. and I dozed off twice....
Then I resorted to look for my parents in the hall. I have no idea where they were seated as we went in at different entrances. And guess what? I found them! Such boredom!

Admist all the boredom, a thought striked me. We are going to sit together collectively as a class for the very last time. In this convocation. In this very hall. It brought sadness to my heart. I am going to miss them, my fellow comrades.

When the ceremony was announced over by the pro chancellor, we thronged out to the designated meeting place to have our last class picture taken. It was a day where there were so many happy faces.. beaming parents, students glowing with joy, friends smiling. The atmosphere was just simply.. HAPPY!

Happy enough to sun yourself under the scroching hot sun at 12 noon to snap pictures with friends and family. You sweat for this- literally.
The faces were caked with oil and melted foundation. The guys had it worst with their blazer. Must be a sauna!

What was I thinking??

It was worth the hassle!

To see your friends again, to step onto USM ground which we were technically her students, to foster closer ties, and most importantly to celebrate with them what we have faught for together for 4 whole years.

Someone said this over MSN the other day and I just have to put in down.

I'm glad that I was in sedaya, althought I didn't get
all the best notes and best lecturers throughout the 4 years, but I have met
great friends there........we all are very cooperative and we unite as one!
-KL-

It was a happy day for me =)

Credit card people

2006-08-18T02:09:00.000+08:00

Now you see, everytime those credit card people from booths set up at shopping complexes approach me, I would decline and tell them "I'm not working yet"

And they miraculously, like a skunk who has just let out a wisp of dreadful foul smelling BO, they would back off. It's natural, I have nothing to offer so they stop offering.

But the other day, this guy (too bad I can't remember the bank he is from) offered something.

He nicely approach me as I walk by and I nicely decline and say, "I'm not working yet" and continued walking.

He followed me and then said this loudly and accusingly:

"Jangan tipu la... Tak mau, tak mau la"

I was angry because I was telling the truth and I was accused a liar
I was amused because I realised I no longer look those teeny-booper and have aged over the years
I was sorry that he was so desparate
I was generally annoyed that he cannot simply take no for an answer.

So what if I look old and still a student? Cannot meh?
So what if I am old, not a student but unemployed just simply because I am lazy?
So what if that was a downright lie?
I bet many MANY people used it (which I guess when the lie is in fact the truth, he does not buy it)
The thing is that I decline nicely (by telling the truth some more!!) and no, he can't take a NO
So what does he expect? Everyone to sign up?
Or maybe he prefers a simple "No, thank you" which most of the time they are persistant enough to ask you why. So to save their time and mine, I gave them the reason straight away.... only to be called a liar!

Don't you just hate it when you are telling the truth and then someone accuses you of lying... in public to boot

Sigh.

Perhaps he was just having a bad day.

Oh well..

Emotions and musicians

2006-08-14T17:47:00.000+08:00

Someone gave a very interesting theory yesterday..
He said,

"Musicians are moody..
Because they are governed by emotions..
Emotions moved them"

I ponder over it and somehow realised it is kinda true.

Musicians have to be moody. Moody in the sense that they are able to get in a certain mood depending on their emotions. They need to be sensitive to emotions, able to feel and express because emotions are the colour of music. Without it, music is nothing but a monotonous hum.

So does that means musicians are an emotional, touchy, sensitive lot?
Is that what defines a musician?
Is that cultivated through time?
Is that what music does to those who spend time with it?
Could it then be considered as a gift or perhaps a curse.. to be able to feel so much and affected so easily?

From hero to zero

2006-08-10T01:10:00.000+08:00

These few months...
I can sleep on my nice bed with my faithful pillow
I can sleep till the sun sets
I can go to sleep when the sun rises
I can sleep comfortably without bothering the alarm clock

The coming months...
I have to sleep on a new, foreign bed
I have to wake up when the sun rises
I have to sleep before the sun rises
I have to set the darn alarm

These few months...
I can sit around and stare at the ceiling for the whole day while waiting to be fed
I can sit in front of the television and catch every episode of House, Scrubs, CSI, etc
I can sit in front of the computer doing aimless stuff and yakking crap with equally crappy people
I can basically waste time

The coming months...
I cannot sit around and do nothing because I'll be fired
I cannot catch any episode of House or Scrubs or heck, even ExploreRace
I cannot or rather probably do not have internet connection... yet
I cannot basically waste time, I have to kill time

These few months...
I have home-cooked food
I have a car to drive around
I have my dog
I can blog

The coming months...
I don't have them all.. period

Man.. It sounds depressing.

Haha.

Somehow with the months of mental preparation and the fact that 90% of us going through this makes it somewhat exciting and bearable..

BUT bear in mind that I am typing this in the comfort of my home and have not started the exodus yet.

Oh man.. what awaits me over there?

The wait is over!

2006-08-04T18:55:00.000+08:00

Postman woke me up this morning with that annoying beep..
But this particular morning, it wasn't annoying. I was like a car being jump-start.
Ran down the stairs, open the door.. I almost flew.

Saw a Postlaju mail. o_o

Saw "Urusan Seri Paduka Baginda" printed across. o_O

While signing, saw a small chop which says "Unit Pengurusan & Professional, Bahagian Sumber Manusia KKM"

O_O

Crap!

It's here!!

No more false alarm. This is it... Surprised though considering the fact that we are to report only next month.

Whatever grogginess that I felt minutes ago was gone. 'Kan cheong' wei..

Ripped it open... la la la...

WHAT?!?

..

..

..

..

..

..

Pahang?

Ran and put on me glasses...

P A H A N G

I didn't write that.
I didn't expect that.....
Somehow as I was mentally preparring myself these few months, I imagined myself being posted to Sabah, Sarawak, Perak, Johor, etc.. but I seemed to miss Pahang. Hmmm..

I don't know what to feel.

I'm having a bunch of mixed emotions now.

I don't want to leave yet I want to or rather have to
There are so many things which I was only beginning to enjoy and love only to have to leave it behind now.
Things I cherish only to realise now I have to cherish them more
Felt like a terminally ill patient given a timeline. Everything has a limited time now (forgive the drama though).

Yet, God must have a plan for me there.
New environment and adventure somehow stir up a little excitement
To know that at least there is someone from the batch going there with me calms me
To know that I am not the only one going through this lifts me up

Oh, I don't know which to feel.... but at least there is a direction now.

I can start to plan things and pack!

He hears

2006-07-27T00:42:00.000+08:00

Again He proves that He is there to comfort. There were times that I so needed to hear, "coincidently" there will be something that I will stumble upon that speaks directly to me.

Received a mail from Lana yesterday.. This is what it says...

GOD ALWAYS ANSWERS PRAYERS

When the idea is not right God says, "No."
No - when the idea is not the best
No - when the idea is absolutely wrong
No - when though it may help you, it could create a problem for someone else.

When the time is not right God says, "Slow."
What a catastrophe it would be if God answers every prayer at the snap of your finger. Do you know what would happen? God would become your servant, not your master. Suddenly, God will be working for you instead of you working for Him.

Remember: God's delays are not God's denials. God's timing is perfect. Patience is what we need in prayer.

When you are not right God says, "Grow."
The selfish person has to grow in unselfishness
The cautious person must grow courage The timid person must grow in confidence
The dominating person must grow in sensitivity
The critical person must grow in tolerance
The negative person must grow in positive attitude
The pleasure-seeking person must grow in compassion for suffering people.

When everything is alright God says, "Go."
Then miracles happen:
A hopeless alcoholic is set free
A drug addict finds release
A doubter becomes as a child in his belief
Diseased tissue responf to treatment, and healing begins
The door to your dream suddenly swings open and there stands God saying, "Go!"

by Dr Robert Schuller

Adam, Chinese?

2006-07-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

We all know very well that Chinese loves food.

We all also know very well that Chinese eat all sorts of food.

Chinese are well known for their penchant for game where they consume 'exotic' meats like that of dogs, tortoise, alligators, squirrels, monkeys, etc..

Give them a meeting, they'll end up having a dinner
Give them a gathering, they'll end up with dinner too
Any darn social meet-up that involves more than 2 person will end up somehow with food.

The common saying goes "Chinese eats anything under the sky that is 4 legged except the table"

Today, I heard a classic:

"Adam, is therefore not a Chinese because he would have eaten that serpent in the Garden of Eden"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Theory of the day:

What colour we choose to wear reflects our current mood

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Reflection time:

I am confused with myself lately... and I'm worried what if...

I admit I don't take defeat easily especially if it's something that you've put all your heart into.. because I have always believe that no matter how difficult or impossible a thing is, as long as you are dedicated and give it all you have, somehow, someday, it will bear fruit. Someday, it will be all worth it...

Sadly it does not work out like that, the logical perfect equation.

Because something is missing..

Him.

Perhaps it is a way God is protecting you

Perhaps He is has something better in store for you

Perhaps in His divine omnipotence that He knows it will do more harm

Perhaps it is just not His will

Perhaps it is a reminder to humans that the world doesn't work the way you want it to

Perhaps it is to remind us that we are not in control of circumstances

Perhaps it is just a blunt reminder that we are afterall just humans...

Only He can see the big picture.

What I perceive good might be bad in return. I did learn my lesson.

Going on my own, You allow me,
When all bliss has passed and the flames burned out,
I came running to You,
Scarred, confused and sorry,
You gently reminded me,
"Child, My ways are not yours..
Just trust Me"

But why not?

It'll only be answered when it is reviewed to me.

I'll have to wait..

Somehow I know deep inside, I'll never be able to fathom His wisdom, the masterpiece He paints, the roads ahead so perfectly crafted and His love.

I will be in awe..

Forever grateful..

This day I shall wait.

Tagged by Sleeping Beauty

2006-07-21T17:37:00.000+08:00

The ~~vague~~ vogue Sleeping Beauty tagged me.

So here goes...

10 YEARS AGO I WAS :
still young, no pimples, no wrinkles, no eye bags, not a worry in the world!
What is there to worry when you are donning a school uniform? Was in high school then trying to do some rhythmic gymnastics for the school and that gave me excuses to skip tonnes of classes =p and PS, did we do the hilarious BSB "Backstreet's Back" dance we were talking about with y-cube the other day?? LOL! Those were the good ol' days..
And the not so good ol' days would be my once in a blue moon adventurism of chopping my hair short - like a boy. And yikes! So ugly! It traumatised people so much that they remember it till today!! *shudders*

5 YEARS AGO I WAS :
A pre-u grad. *small cake*
Just finished A-Levels... had a long break and started my first ever job.. as a permenant staff! Did 4 months plus of work as a half-baked costing clerk at SafetyLink Engineering. It was quite fun, pay stinks, and met some really nice people there.

1 YEAR AGO I WAS :
Starting my final year and beginning to feel that it is all coming to an end soon. And now... the end is here. Other than that, it was last year that life thought me some important lessons, opened my eyes to the world in a way and reminded me that God in His divine power has it all planned out for me and His ways are the best

YESTERDAY I WAS :
Sitting around, deciding whether to perm the mane or to leave it as it is or to iron it straight. I am still doing that today... I am just so darn indecisive! urrgh.. What should I do?

5 MOST RECENT SONGS I'VE LISTENED TO :

Sarah Brightman - A Lighter Shade of Pale
Sarah Brightman & Jose Carreras - Amigos Para Siempre
Sarah Brightman & Josh Groban - There For Me
Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman - Time To Say Goodbye
Andrea Bocelli & Helena Hellwig - L' Abitudine

seems like a lot of Sarah Brightman.. yeah.. she's my latest recruit to my pop-opera fetish

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO :
hahahaa.. I know the words to Hillsong's songs!
If it's secular then erm.....

Il Divo - Mama

Il Divo - Everytime I Look At You

Andrea Bocelli & Celine Dion - The Prayer

Andrew Iloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera (used to be able to karaoke with it until I got really really sick of it. It was the only thing I listened for a month)

Josh Groban - To Where You Are

IDEAL PLACE FOR RUNNING AWAY TO :
Under my bed.. it's dark, dusty, cold and hard. No one would bother to look there

5 THINGS I REALLY WANT :

The darn posting letter to come
A new PDA coz my old one decided to go on strike and died subsequently. Stupid thing.. barely 2 years you know.
A notebook
A bank
Shoes, shoes and more shoes!

5 THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW :

Go find the pharmacist
Ask him to certify some letter from The G.O.V.
Send the letter to MOH
Come home
..... continue to be lazy

5 BIGGEST JOYS IN MY LIFE :

breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, second supper, pre-breakfast
this darn free holiday where there is nothing to study, to do or to think - just sleep! aaahh
my family and friends - people who love me, I love you too~
my fluffy puffy Tomatoe and foxy Chilli
myself!!

5 PEOPLE I TAG :

Joycelyn

PGsingerboy

Shungz
Ee Fern (if you still blog =>)
and whoever else who visits .. hehe

It's the thought that counts

2006-07-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, thought alone is all that matters.

Thanks Esther for the thought. It was really sweet of you.

~~ Funny how just simple words can touch the heart

Ironically, it's the elaborate words that casts doubts to the mind ~~

I didn't miss it afterall!

2006-07-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

Hahahahahaha... tra la la la la~~

Just too happy.

Away with Google search or official sites! YouTube rocks!

Some time ago I was whinning over the fact that I missed Andrea Bocelli's performance during the Olympics Closing Ceremony in Torino and now, thanks to YouTube, I get to watch it afterall!

Yeah, I'm still not over the fact that I missed it! Instead I caught Pavarotti in the Opening Ceremony. Not complaining about that anyway =P

And then there was WC Opening. Newspapers (yeah, away with newspapers too!) said it starts at 11pm. Finee..

So I switched over to Channel 83 at 10.30+ just in case. Crapolingam! It started already!! There, Claudia Schiffer and Pele were making a grand entrace with the trophy. Okay, so I sat and watched thinking they'll probably do it right before kickoff at 12am.

At 11pm sharp, they stopped the live feed from Germany. There ~~Shebby~~ Shaggy Singh started yabbling...

So I waited.

11.30pm

He just won't stop!

12.00 am

"Back to Germany"

Aha! They are going to do it right before the kickoff! Yay!

And then the referee blew the whistle...

What happened to my Il Divo and Toni Braxton official WC song?? Aih...

Thanks to YouTube, here it is!

If you are into vocal quality, this performance on the eve is better =)

Mua so happy!!!

Let the excitement begins!

2006-07-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

Read Mich's email and she said she received some letter from SPA.. Ooolala!

So remembering I heard the motorcycle engine of the postman an hour ago.. I flew down the flight of stairs and zoomed straight to the post box.. Tadaaaa~~

Indeed.. letter from SPA for me too!

Ripped it open and...

location... location... give me a location, any location will do.....

Nope. No location... yet.

It's an offer letter offering me the post and as a confirmation that I've passed the interview (which they only post the results after a 3 weeks delay!!!) plus lots of sumpah forms, check-ups and all. As for the location, sedikit masa lagi it seems.

"Arahan penempatan dan tarikh melaporkan diri bertugas akan dikemukakan...... sedikit masa lagi"

Kim told me that after once you received your interview results, the posting should arrive 2-4 weeks after (some client charter they have).

So soon??

Hehe. Now that it is drawing nearer, I an dreading it as the few care-free months was such a bliss!

Sedikit masa lagi...

Oh well...

Public Health Campaign

2006-07-04T01:10:00.000+08:00

The annual Public Health Campaign held by my ~~now ex-~~uni just ended today. HY and I were bored to death sitting at home, so we decided to go kaypoh and help out a bit.

We get to pose around in our labcoats with a name tag indicating assistant counsellors ~~scaring~~ telling the public about gangrene and stroke and try to answer their OTC queries which is at times..err.. challenging.

Someone asked about this certain product which she herself could not pronounce or remember the name, on how to take it. Err.. I need to know the name of the product le. But nevermind, so it went like this

Me: So what do you use the product for?
X: For beauty purpose.
Me: Okay. So what do you want to clarify about?
X: I'm confused about how to use it. A pharmacist told me to take it this way but my friend told me to take it in a different way. I don't know who to listen to.
Me: (that's easy! Listen to the pharmacist la... *evil bias-me voice*). Hmm.. Since I do not know what is the product, what you could do is that, you could go to another pharmacy and ask the pharmacist. See what he says. *Out of curiosity* Btw, how do they tell you to take it?
X: My friend told me to put in water for 1 week, then mix it with porridge to take it together whereas the pharmacist said to swallow it like how I would take a pill.
Me: *eyes wide* Listen to the pharmacist.

Goodness! It is a tablet dosage form. So how would you take it?

Steps to take a tablet:

Remove a tablet from the package
Pour yourself a glass of plain water (can be ommited depending on your swallowing skills)
Put the tablet in your mouth, specifically on the tongue
Swallow the tablet with/without the readied glass of water.
Did I say just swallow?

What did her friend say? Incubate it in water for a week?!?

For added chlorophyll issit?

Let's hope the preservative added is real strong and is in high concentration.

Seriously, I am kinda disappointed that she actually considered listening to her friend. I mean, the pharmacist would have the knowledge to tell her how to take and would be trained/briefed by the manufacturer or distributor on the products they are selling. So who would know better? I am not bias here, but use common sense a bit la..

So here it is, lesson #101 on common sense:

Forget about listening to the pharmacist. Let's be fair. Let's say you are buying a computer and you know nuts about it. So who would you ask? Someone who know I presume. Perhaps the guy at the shop? It's the same here. At least the pharmacist can call up the distributor/manufacturer to clarify for you (because their license is at stake!). It's what they do other than standing behind the cashier.
Isn't it a hassle to have your product incubated for a week before you can take it? And I am amazed the company haven't "chap lap" or closed down yet. There are so many companies out there constantly trying to outdo each other by coming up with a product that is easier to use than the other. Take for instance, why do companies come up with a single daily dose formulation? Novopen? or even a 3-in-1 Nescafe or Quaker's Oats? Because you don't have to go toast your oats, cook it, mix milk, add sugar, add salt, or whatever before you realised that you are late for work already. We all learned this in marketing and business tip #123 la.. even a non-marketing student like me is exposed to this. Aiyo.
Think! Water. One week. Preservative. If a product to be taken by mouth is to be swimming in the water for a week, think what will grow? Fine, you say there are preservatives. Think again. How much preservative? How strong it is? And mind you, the water used now is not of pharmaceutical grade which means, it would have a high concentration of contaminants. So how much preservatives? (GMP rocks now!!!!)
You want to mix a one week old incubated water with your porridge?!? Err... How delicious.
If a product is meant to be swallowed whole with a gulp of water, just do it la. Why need to make it more difficult? Unless you got problems digesting the tablet which if so, you better go see a doc to have you guts checked out. I remembered an analogy my math teacher used to use. Imagine a spoon. Would you use the handle to eat? Lame I know. But the whole thing is lame as well!

Anyway, it's just funny and amusing. Haha. My highlight of the day!

Don't take me too seriously about lesson #101 of common sense because it's just common sense. At times, common sense doesn't work. The uncommon still exist. So there could be such a product but frankly, I think to soak/incubate a solid oral dosage form preparation in water for a week is erm.. weird. So I actually told her in the end that if she still can't make up her mind who to listen to, go ask another pharmacist whose pharmacy sells the product for a third party opinion since I have no idea what product she meant. All I know is that it is a tablet. For beauty purpose. Sounds like Bio-something-something. Anyone out there knows any beauty product that requires a week's incubation? *makes mental note to go Guardian*

All in all, the campaign was pretty good fun I must say. We enjoyed ourselves. The juniors did an impressive job and their efforts, team work, plannings, and good organising must be commended. Was very impressed with their efforts. They were prepared for the public.. serious! Most of them have not even learn CVS and yet they learn it up well for the campaign. Talk about hardworking! There are even things that they know which I don't.. Ooops! I blame it on brain wasting during the hols or they are simply smarter and more hardworking. Bahahaha..

It was nice too that you get to chit chat with your lecturers about what to expect at the working world and their experiences, a different topic now compared to when you were a student toiling for a degree. It was a good change.

Am glad I went kaypoh-ing and was a part of this campaign. Two thumbs up for the juniors! =)

Intriguing is the Renaissance

2006-06-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

Was recommended by a friend to read this book, The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason, after The Da Vinci Code craze. Took me awhile to dig into it as I find it a little erm... deep. Deep because the writers deliver it so poetically. There are ideas (mainly from the Renaissance) which are so beautifully put and looked at from very different angle.

Here is one I like

This is an engraving by Augostino Carracci " Love Conquers All Things"

The young boy beating up the more masculine satyr on the left is Love. It explains this:

"Love is not supposed to be on your side. You fight with him; you try to undo what he does to others. But he's too powerful. No matter how much we suffer, our hardships cannot move him."

It potrays Love as a bully.. a very strong one in fact, and it makes me ponder.. Isn't that so? If we love a thing, nothing (almost) could move it.

What a brilliant way to depict Love!

The next one is this,

" The two hardest things to contemplate in life is age and failure, and those are one and same. Perfection is the natural consequence of enternity; wait long enough, everything will realize its potential. Coal becomes diamonds, sand becomes pearls, ape becomes men..."

In some sense, it is true.. forget about the ape and men. I don't believe in the ape evolution thingy but take it as a literature, as an artistic expression, poetically.. philosophically thinking. After all, this is a Renaissance work.

and the one I like most is:

"The strong take from the weak, but the smart takes from the strong"

WELCOME and why I switched allegiance

2006-06-27T02:55:00.000+08:00

Enough about Friendster's blog.

It terrorizes me.

Everytime I update the blog, my freaky picture shows up in that box in the middle of the Friendster page. Fine, I got used to that..

Then I found out from a friend that they send your posts directly to their mailbox if they check that little box where you agree to let them spam your mailbox. I feel a little uneasy to have my rantings and whinnings posted everytime to people's mailbox. I feel like a spam to those who does not want to read what I have to write. It's like I shamelessly deliver my thoughts and musings to people's mailbox uninvitedly. Queer is my brain..
To those who utilises this feature, thank you for reading =) Guess now, it'll be a little more mar fan to read my posts and I am so sorry for that. Don't worry, I'll chant the address to you whenever I see you =)

The last straw was when they have this new feature featuring excerpts of recent entries at the lower left hand corner of the page. Yikes.. I feel like an advertisement. Recently saw the scariest view from a friend's page.. my freaky picture was there. Not one but THREE!! Because not many from her network owns a blog or they seldom update, my freaky pictures are literally pasted all over her page. Imagine if no one on her network updates in the next two months, my freaky pictures will fill up the entire box and I'll be responsible for her domperidone overdose. So sorry..

Then you ask, why start with it in the first place? Well... because I was new to blogging. Naturally, I choose the easiest la. Places like blogspot scares me (but now I like it =p) and I don't have the time to fiddle with this HTML gibberish.

I know by having a blog, I cannot keep track of who is reading it but (pardon my little queer mind) at least when they visit your page to read it, it somehow feels a little more private (I don't know how but it somehow does). At least now I feel less like a spam and an advertisement.

To those who are Friendster bloggers, please do not feel that it is in anyway an insult or anything. It is not. It's just that the chunk of tissue inside my cranium isn't floating properly.. hence all the queer hallucinations and anxiety. I promise to take my medications now.

And oh... WELCOME to the new home! =)

Transferred all the posts here except the pictures. Lazy la to upload. I will.. someday. But as for now, if you really really want the pictures, you can pay a visit to the old blog. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Otherwise, all is good and as promise, medication time! Toodles~

World Cup 2006

2006-06-14T16:45:00.000+08:00

Noticed most blogs blogged about this, ~~and not wanting to be left out~~, so I too, jumped into the bandwagon and decided to dedicate a post to the most happening sporting event of the year (errr... ).

The funny thing is that I was so much into football 4 years back when I know the names of the players and their jersey numbers like at the back of my hand. And now, the first match I watched ~~for the last 15 minutes~~ since the kickoff on 9 June, was France vs Switzerland bummer.

Sheesh.. 0-0?!?

Just when I decided to sit down and watch a match. No goals?!? A bit the boring rite.. (was secretly hoping that I'll catch another miracle like that of Aust vs Japan =P)

And speaking about that Aussie match.. sheesh.. just when i decided to step into the bathroom for cleansing rituals of a good, reasonable 10 minutes.. darn.. i missed ALL the action!

That's usually what happens.. noticed that whenever I sit down and watch a whole 90 minutes match.. either the team I am supporting loses or even worse, they got trashed badly. It's painful, you know.

Hehe.. Come to think of it, if i watched the whole 90 minutes of France, poor Barthez's team would probably repeat the same joke that happened 4 years ago at the kickoff match with Senegal. Maybe a 1-0 to Switzerland. ahahaahaha.

Anyway, my initial intention of writing this entry was not to talk about footie since I hardly know it anymore. Sad, i know..

I was just pondering over what my mom mentioned..

She said: When the next World Cup, bro would be graduating

I had some deja-vu feeling... Sounds familiar

Then it flashes across mind, aha..!!!

We were having microbiology labs streaking silly E.coli on agars, when there was an England match and we were rushing home to catch it. Someone mentioned the same thing.. "when the next World Cup is held, we'll graduate already." And now, World Cup is here again..

How time flies...

And how 4 years passed that fast. So much things have changed. People, relationships, surroundings, expectations, perceptions, outlook, mindset, preferences..

I am still feeling nostalgic over the fact that I once thought my 8 semester course spanned over 4 years was a never-ending torment but it eventually came to an end.. I survived! And I miss it. I don't know why..

maybe I do not wish to move forward to the working world

or maybe I am just afraid of change (coz I have gotten the hang of how to crap out reports and all.. teehehe)

or maybe I am just a sentimental fool

I wish to turn the clock so I could relive those 4 years again.. despite the madness, sleepless nights, Babs, and those awful zits..

Whatever the reason is, it was a pretty good 4 years and I will always remember it that way.

And when the next World Cup is held...

I'll be done with government service =)

Uncertainty

2006-06-04T06:14:00.000+08:00

Lately i realised i could not plan anything for the near future!

I could not go wardrobe shopping
I could not go shoe shopping
I could not plan my holidays
I could not plan my finances
I could not plan which item is more essential
I could not place priority
I could not commit to anything
I could not promise that i'll be there
Until i know where i am posted to.......

Therefore i realised that with these few months of holidays, there is something bigger from it other than sleeping until the sun sets and watching the tv until they show another repeat of Legends of the Fall.

The thing to gather and to achieve from this few months would be to cherish every moment spent with people around me. To hang out with them whenever it is possible and to strenghten the relationships you have with them (and it sucks if i have to leave all these behind.. ).

Because once (and IF) you are in Timbaktu, the only probable reason you smile are when you think back of these memories.

It's frustrating when uncertainty hovers in the air playing a game of mystery and grinning smugly at you. Yet, uncertainty is exciting, hiding a whole possibilities of difference, witholding what is to be bestowed upon you, somewhat keeping a grip of the unknown future and my so-called 'fate'; be it good or bad. . I ~~have to~~ am ready to accept

Where am I going?

Bimbo parking

2006-05-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

This is how it happened..

We inserted the parking ticket and then "rebate" hotel voucher (which enables a flat parking rate of RM 4), and this is how much they demanded

Edit: the pic says RM 27

Checked the "rebate" coupon, it says: Expire at 16:00

Checked the watch, it says: 4.20 pm

CRAP! just 20 minutes...

Most creative gift wrapping i've seen

2006-05-16T03:28:00.000+08:00

Edit: the same goes for this post too.. for pictures go to the old blog for now

I find it creatively cute

only you could think up of such =)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

and the award.. how undeserving..
thanks Joycelyn, Esther, Mei Jin, Alex and Dorcas.. =)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I know I shouldn't walk into Vincci whenever there is sale..
this is what happens la..

mom said the ribbons are big and odd-looking..hmm
Haha!
Welcome to the family!!
Btw, sale is until 4th June.. teehehe

Yay! =)

2006-05-11T06:08:00.000+08:00

edit: realised that without the pics, you'll have no idea what i am talking about.. well, if you want full effect, go to the old blog la for now =)

Thanks, Cheryl and Colin.. =) (and also for the book! very thoughtful of you!)
I was extremely touched..

Thanks PS and CM...
Very sweet of you guys.. =)
and there is more? wow! thanks! bright green!! hehe.

*******************
Haha... LOOK!

It's HIM!!
Thanks girlies! I love it, love it, love it...

Thanks neighbour. Indeed, it will be an inspiration and a reminder of the days ahead. Thanks for being a car-pool partner (we did Mother Earth a favour but it was the zany conversations and company to uni during those mad mad 4 years that i cherish most) and most importantly a great friend!

Was truly surprised too to hear from some of my friends whom I did not know they knew (hehe) or remembered. I am truly touched.

I realised that I am indeed truly blessed to be surrounded by these people whom I had crossed path with and have the privilege to call them as my friends.

SPA interview

2006-05-09T06:03:00.000+08:00

The SPA interview is over!! Phew...

SPA means Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam. I am to embarked on my 1+3 compulsory government service. Like any other job, you need to go for an interview. So basically, SPA interview is as simple as a job interview complicated by the fact that I am ignorant to the Parliament happenings.

The day before was extremely stressful.. I actually thought it was much more stressful than preparing for finals.
It's kinda funny. I was initially very relax until i hear stories that they ask questions. Things like 9MP, ecomomic plans, and those politic stuff which to a scientifically trained student would sound like Urdu. Like why on earth am I being asked about that? That's not pharmacy...!!

See.. we are that narrow..

So hence the night before I was plopped in front of the internet reading the 9MP, finding out who are the ministers, whether they are Yang Berbahagia or Yang Berhormat, or Yang AMAT Berhormat, trying (but failed) to memorize visions and missions of respective bodies.. learning about the Parliament, Rukun Negara (which thanks to WL, i didn't know it was more than those 5 lines.. hehe)... basically a very patriotic night for me and if i were a chameleon, i would end up having the Jalur Gemilang all over my body already.

Arrived at Putrajaya the next day and everyone was so jittery. I tell you, this is the worst! It's even worse than piano exams! The waiting was horrible.

Then i realised something. This is so weird and mad. I looked around and realised that we were the only mad ones there holding notes.. yes, notes.. and chanting whereas other people (who are there for other positions) were looking dead bored. Talk about stressing yourself out! Hehe.

Come 8 am, it claimed its first victim. We watched the digital clock on the wall... 8.10... 8.15... 8.18.. finally, KV walks out.. telling us the interviewers are friendly and it's not that bad.. some relief..

Me number was 0808 (someone said can go buy 4D). haha. I was the 8th in row. Everyone came out of the room stating one common question, how are the laws in Malaysia passed? and what happens if the Agong disagrees with it? So it's true, they DO ask these kinda questions.

So when it was my turn, the same question was thrown to me and the guy said wow, you guys seem very rehearsed with that answer. you must be discussing outside from the way i hear you answer...

Crap!

But all in all, it was okay.. they said i was in there for a long long time.. but it doesn't feel so when you are inside. They are nice people. Really..

So hopefully I didn't screw up.

As HY said, they will not fail you because they need people to work in the hosp.. haha

I hope she is right *fingers crossed*

What were you thinking???

2006-05-02T02:23:00.000+08:00

ahh.. i watched it 5 times.. out of the 6 repeats

missed once because of a noble reason *ahem*

i like Bocelli

his voice is amazing

i like Bocelli

get the hint??

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, this is really bugging me.

There are times when impulse took over you and you make really really impulsively stupid decisions. And when you realised what crap you've gotten yourself into and want to really kick yourself hard in the teeth, it's too late. you just have to go through the garbage dump you've gotten yourself into and hope that the next time, you are firm and able to resist the impulsive bug.

Today is one of those days filled with "what on earth were you thinking, Charis?"

The thing that makes me deserve a kick is that I knew how is it going to turn out.. and yet i dive into it. What is wrong with me?

Was i actually stupid enough to think that a change is possible?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I can't believe I hung out with someone the other day and when we were left alone, it was silence all the way..

Amazing to my standards.

Haha

because the person was so frigging boring, i couldn't be bothered.

GMP is over!

2006-04-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

ahh.. what a great relief. a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. stupid GMP paper is finally over and done with. phew!
i am still laughing at the fact that packaging came out despite it not being in the USM notes and better still, not even mentioned in the syllabus. there i was reading about paper and wood packaging (whoever heard of packing your pharmaceuticals in a wood?) and there the exam paper asking about plastic and glass

mind you, 5 frigging questions somemore!

pretty glad i didn't crack my poor fractured skull on that cohesive powder nonsense! some londar alah la, berjungkir balik la and la la la....

and the skull was fractured because i read stupid compaction and compression and wasted hours practising graphs which none even make the tiniest presence! so much for the thrill of seeing the probability-log graph paper there and marking my territory on it only to realised that they decided papers are really cheap. giving us an assortment of graph papers for no apparent reason.

but nevermind, it's over... couldn't be bothered anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

yesterday when i was studying for doink doink GMP, i was so bored that i started cutting up rough papers. then i realised among the thick stack of rough papers are my applied therapeutic notes (which the paper was on monday). HAHA. no wonder i don't have my schizo notes. hahaha

exam makes you insane

and Vivian, thanks for the stress reliever msg. i ended up laughing my heads off!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

i couldn't believe it!

it's Bocelli week next, on American Idol!

i still can't believe it!

i am crossing my fingers, toes, and every crossable limbs that he'll perform on Thursday.. please please pleeeease..
and i'll watch every repeat there is

**update: he IS performing!OOOOoolaaa~~~

I am ranting again

2006-04-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

This blog is really useful during times of insanity.

Instead of me ranting on and on to my friends, i can put it all here (and i know you'll read it anyhow.. hah! =p)

I am about to rant on something all too familiar... GMP

I don't hate it but it is not making itself likeable

First the notes are in gracious BM with terms like 'ricihan', 'berjungkir balik', 'paluh', 'palong', 'londar' (it's not 'lontar'), terikan and tegasan..

try a sentence...

Plot ricihan gagal melawan beban normal akan memberikan satu londar alah

?????

Let's try translating it...

The plot of failed shear stress against normal load will give an allergic throw...

?????

After translating, enters frustration no.2

Time is wasted! afterall, does that sentence make any sense to you?

And i thought after 4 years of doing this i am good at translating.. sheesh

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**update:
a lesson in BM
stumbled upon the translation to the word 'alah'.
it means yield.

What a mess..

2006-04-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a time when things are just a mess?

First, i am dependent on stimulants.
Secondly, darn that GMP.. the notes are just *&$##*$%$#%
Thirdly, darn that radiopharm.. with upsidedown notes. I had a swell time trying to make an arrangement out of it
Fourthly, what's the point of having a guide or syllabus where no one adheres to it?
Fifthly, my PDA konk-ed out on me which brings me to the next point..
Sixthly, with my PDA failing me, i now do not have a Drug Info Handbook.. how on earth am i going
to study for Applied Therapeutics?
Then seventhly, I can't go borrow one in the library because i am vehicle-less
Eightly, the propionibacterium acnes wouldn't stop proliferating
Ninethly, are there such a word 'ninethly'? or even 'eightly'? 'seventhly'??
~~Tenthly~~ Lastly, i think i am going insane

The job application

2006-03-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

I've finally put down my 3 choices.. it was a real debate right up to the very end.. mainly because I forgotten all about it. Teehehe. Thank goodness my carpool partner asked.. if not, i would have handed in a blank form which it could result in 3 possible outcomes:

if they are nice : they'll call me up and ask me what are my choices
if they are smart : they'll inteprete it as I don't mind to be posted anywhere (which is very dangerous!)
if they are mean : they'll throw my form into the bin and I'll be wondering when my interview letter will arrive.

HUKM is a certain choice (though no high hopes coz half the class is applying there)

Then it was either another KL hosp or Hosp Melaka? Then i decided Melaka would be a bit too far.. so it's another KL hosp.. but which one? GKHL which is a madhouse? or Hosp Selayang which is lightyears away? I was unwilling to travel an hour everyday to get to work and another to reach my den. So it was GHKL.

3rd choice was Hosp Seremban (which one third of the class is applying also)

Then comes the reason.. what 'alasan' la? Then someone taught me.. Berkhidmat dalam negeri sendiri.. I taught that sounds noble.. but then what about Seremban?? that's not negeri sendiri..

Then another someone taught me .. Menimba pengalaman berkhidmat di negeri lain tetapi masih berdekatan dengan rumah... FOOIYOH!!!

I felt so noble!

The eventful March - a month before it all come to an end

2006-03-23T03:38:00.000+08:00

I've neglected this thing for some time..

So much so for setting this up to note down my last sem's journey *snicker*

Was busy beyond words these past 2-3 weeks and the whole month seemed to zoomed past like a whirlwind. Let's see..

Let' start with the utterly pointless and unorganised radiopharm visit.. Wait.. Not that pointless.. We got ourselves irradiated with those radioactive thingy.. somehow. Nothing much to see though except the thick and heavy lead vest you gotta wear when you are near those radioactive iodine.. the lady has to wear it everyday! the thing is 0.5mm thickness of solid lead multiply by some physics equation and you'll get the whole weight she gotta lug on her shoulders everyday. Oh.. and a vial of iodine doesn't come like normal.. it's is enclosed in about 1 inch thick of lead all around. Darn heavy wei that one vial.. Other than that.. err..i guess that was just it.. like i said earlier.. pointless la but you came back radiating *roll eyes*

Then it was the all important Oath Taking Ceremony. That is where we are to swear and vow not to kill people, not pose too much in the labcoat, not to wear labcoat to the cafeteria, and count tablets properly.

Later found out that it was the first of such for our programme.. so a bit honoured la that the uni took trouble to arrange us a pre-graduation-convocation-kinda-glamour (it kinda felt like a graduation ceremony at that time.. hehe)

edit: again.. go old blog (for now) if you want pics..

that was us.. showing off our oath cert (yeah, we have a cert.. big time)

edit: old blog..

The whole VIP line-up

So that was over...

Next was "DA bomb".. the anticipation of the whole sem. It was none other than the briefing from SPA, Bahagian Farmasi, and gang giving us a talk (wait.. a few 'lectures' *evil grin*) on the topic of "Our (them) prophesy on your (us) future"

So we listened, nodded and think real hard where we wanna apply.

Different people have different "strategies". Given only 3 choices (and you have to give your "alasan".. the most noble one coming from the mickey mouse herself), one have to plan properly. Not like whatever you write in there weighs much.. but still..

The anticipation of what the future holds is somewhat exciting yet scary.. Maybe because of the uncertainty and the new world holds that makes me feel like I've entered a lucky draw and they are offering a grand price of a Porsche. In our case, the Porsche is equivalent to getting the place you applied for and hopefully not some remote Timbaktuland
Throughout the beginning of this final year, i actually started considering the places i would want to apply.. Being the fickle me, i need that much time to decide because there are periods that i was absolutely insane and those choices are rather ermm.. insane as well.

Part of me wanted a change.. but maybe West M'sia is a bit too drastic. I was tempted to put as one of my choices but then, i am literally buying myself a ticket there.

I've got till Tuesday to decide.. it's up to Him where is the best place for me.

Meanwhile, I shall go back to my thinking.. where? where? where??

"I am present"

2006-03-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

The madness has begun.. with each week getting worse and worse.

To add to the madness, we can't skip classes anymore. For once, they mean what they say.. and boy, are they strict about it.

So we are now a irritated, overworked, uncompensated fatigued lot.. not to mention the stress.

Given any normal day, I would gladly skip all of today's classes and work on my endless reports and assignments. No.. Times have changed. We are bounded and forced to sit our ass down on the chair in UCSI's mis-designed geometrical classroom, not out of free will but blackmailed into it.

I took a look around the room while waiting for that liquid paper I just applied on the GMP report to dry, here's what i noticed:

behind: HN squinting at the minutely printed diagnostic test kits notes.. buzy adding colours to it
left: CF dozing serenely in an upright position. If you didn't look twice, you'll think he is listening intently and drinking in every word the lecturer is saying.
right: VF buzy flipping the Psychiatry Handbook in preparation for tomorrow's clerkship
front: other than the lecturer who is so enthusiastically and proudly telling us the wonders of Edward Jenner, WK and D were doddling with the graph paper and some complicated tables for GMP.

I am not alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

P/S: And I think I know who I want to vote for Miss World this year.. She made me pay attention to a 75 PowerPoint slides lecture with 18 pages of MicrosoftWords notes lasting about 3 hours. That's quite a feat for someone who hardly pay attention to any lectures lasting more than an hour..

Reports, reports, reports... you want one?

2006-02-13T03:24:00.000+08:00

I need to rant!

First of all, Friendster's blog sucks! and yes, I am using it because blogspot doesn't give me the name I want and I am too lazy to beautify my blogspot (yes, i DO have a blogspot account). Nevermind that, that's not the topic i wanna rant about..

You see, people would think that when you are in your final year.. things would be rather sweet.. as in all the shit-tasting crap would be done by then. What more when you are in the final semester. Things SHOULD be steady-flowing where you just sit your ass down and wait for graduation day. But NOooo..

Heck, what was I thinking?

They will make hell for you before they let you go.

You see, last sem was like hoola-day.. shockingly with 7 subjects

So, what more when there are only 4 subjects this sem?? We might as well go look for a part-time job right. (that is before i discover GMP has lab)

First, discovering they are STILL making us do stupid stupid things like GMP lab. Yes, i am still complaining about GMP lab. The first one, they make us pour sand and lactose into some long funnel and WATCH it flow out. Next, they make us pile up sand and then again.. WATCH it flow and measure the darn anthill it formed. I mean WHAAaaaaart?? The best one was just last week. Counting powders. Yes, you heard me right. We are to count at least 600 phreaking micrometer particles under the bright microscope light. Talk about wasting time. That's as if not enough time is wasted, we have to produce some convincing report.. HANDWRITTEN! (graphs inclusive). We are in technology-age now, right?? Right? Or is it just me living in the future? Oi.. heard of computer ar? All I can say is thank goodness for seniors.. They are the best!

Next, clerkships! Some are rather fun whereas some are just.. as someone put it.. a joke. It's getting boring.. maybe because we have so much things to worry about that clerkship seems to take up a lifetime! After Thursday, the following common adverse effects are noticable:

fatigue (100% prevalence)
irritable
stressed out
headache from staring too much at the computer screen "reading" endless journals
absence from classes (especially Friday's AT)
somnolence
poor orientation of time and day
Alzheimer-like symptoms
rare but life-threatening: there are some reports of increased risk and incidence of acne eruptions after visitations to ward due to high bacterial concentration in the environment.

and then of course, the lengthy report that follows.

By now, you would have realised that anything done outside Room 209 or 210 (that is our classrooms).. will require a REPORT =)

Then, as tradition, we still have quizes. This time the quizes for the two 4 units subjects are scheduled back to back, stuck in between clerkships and ~~stupid~~ GMP lab. I really hope that a day has 100 hours..

As if our lives are not miserable enough..

We are supposed to head to the radiopharmacy department on a field trip and then... yes, a report again.

Then just today, we are required to do another reee...port on community bla bla bla on a certain disease or condition.. due next month, in the middle of quizes.

Now who wants some more reports??????

(gee Charis.. complain while you can.. after this May, you'll probably be begging to do reports and play those sand instead)

I don't mind doing them but I need TIME!!!

~*~*~*~*

I was wondering if there is such a profession call crapologist.. I think I am gaining enough experience to apply for that position. Come to think of it, I am more trained in this field during these 4 years than anything else..

Solitary ramblings

2006-02-03T02:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, things just aren't what they seemed to be..

In total solitary for one whole night and one whole day, I began to wonder..

We wronged those good souls because we expect (mark that word) them to do as we would have done. Whatever the reason(s) our so-called 'logical, sensible and analytical' mind might have processed, in the end it does not even give you the basis of the reason WHY it is so. We can only assume.. which is bad.. of what the person is thinking. No minds are alike. They might not even think or rationalise or analyse like you at all. It is unfair then to assume based on what we believe which they might not at all. What we cling dearly might be just like a piece of thrash by the sidewalk to them which no one bothers to look twice.

Perhaps then we could try putting ourselves into their shoes and consider the circumstances around them. But how well do you fit into that shoe? There are certainly some things that we could never understand unless we had been through it given that we are in the same situation and same circumstances.. perhaps then we could understand a bit better.. but never totally.

Give them a benefit of doubt then. Sometimes, when we try to be rational, we tend to forget to take into account of the little things that we take for granted such as health and family. What if.. they meant good but just out of a sudden their seemingly good health just fails.. then they could not deliver what they had promised. Or what if, suddenly and unexpectedly, a loved one falls ill or passes away..

It's hard though, sometimes to give the benefit of a doubt because everything seems to be going against the odds. So then must we continue to think good of a person or are we in denial of the bad that has come out of it? Wisdom or naiveness? Is it being nice or just plain stupidity? Is there then a timeline or is there a line which once crossed, we could conclude that their intentions and actions are ill-willed? Does the belief of "there is good in everyone" exist? Are there such a thing as "people are just born bad"?

No, believe your beliefs. They made you who you are..

On the contrary then, does by abandoning your beliefs make you deny who you are? because you are to be who you are.. right?

Beliefs then border on a fine line. They can make you or break you. So, decide wisely which to adopt.. which means it's up to wisdom now. And they say wisdom comes with maturity and experience. Boy, it's gonna be a long long journey...

The great escape

2006-01-27T16:09:00.000+08:00

What an eventful fortnight. I am sure my group members would agree with me. We are indeed blessed. HAHA!

It all started first at the psychiatry ward..

Stepped into the male ward, and then out of no where, this guy came forward and pull a chair to where we were sitting.. "I volunteer to be interview. My file is 03. Come la.. I wanna be interviewed." Oh-kay. Such enthusiasm.

Surely the haloperidol did not exert it's side effects on him.

Then was the ward rounds.. in came the consultant.. the 1.5 hours would probably be the longest in my life! Never felt so stressed! CNS was like 3 semesters ago.. So remembered nothing when he asked about quetiapine.

All of us coincidentaly were assigned to clerk female patients so we headed off to the female ward situated deeper into the psychi ward.

"What are you all doing here? I tell you, you are a bunch of useless people. $%#$. Show me your IC! Show me your IC! %%$^&" the shrill voice just gets higher n higher in pitch as the patient got angier.

Then came bipolar lady all wet from the toilet looking distress. Turned around and whoa.. a striptease.

As shrill lady continued to accuse us for i-dunno-what and kept demanding for our IC, another lady shouted and asked her to stop screeching. That was the que.. The whole ward started shouting.

Concentrate on case notes, Charis..

Bipolar lady, mumbling to herself marches to the sink with a mirror. Looked into the mirror and started scratching her head. Then, suddenly and immediately she started crying and wailing. Marches back to bed. Lie down, stopped crying instantly and continues to mumble. After an hour or so, it happened all over again.

Shouting begins again and JT's patient "They are so noisy, I can't be holy"

Since we were in the female ward, the guys generally had better treatment from the patients.

"Hi, I like your tie, i like your face.. you are so handsome. I'm from NTV7, i want to interview you." Patient gives a look of admiration..

It was an experience and your heart goes out to these patients because of their condition. It's sad to learn what makes them come to this point. That was Day 1.

Day 2. Was supposed to present the case to the consultant. There I was, clutching the BNF and sweating profusely. and then.. we found out he couldn't make it!!!! Hoorah! Great escape #1

Next was Dermatology clerkship.

Escaped the grand ward round by the head of the department... she's away!! Hoorah! Great escape #2!

So all in all, we escaped with only minor scratches... no bullet holes! Phew..

Haha.. Now don't be jealous.. I know, it's good enough to escape one but two altoghether?!? Unbelievable!

A brand new year

2006-01-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

2006.. How fast time flies. Just not too long ago, people were freaking out about whether the Millenium bug will bite or swallow you whole, and now it's half a decade past that already. Amazing.

No, no.. this is no resolution post.. Nobody keeps it, so why make it?

I guess it's a time to reflect eh?

Well, 2005 was pretty eventful. Let's see..

Of course.. first, set up this bloggy..
to document (ahem!) the final days of my life as a student which I forsee I will sorely miss.

Am absolutely done with organic chemistry and labs! (or so I thought..)
I mean who cares about those pyramidine rings, anthracene moiety, sulphones and those shapes? I for one don't. I assume life would be much more easier now when I don't have to memorise those drawings the morning before entering the exam hall and then to re-draw it a few hours later. I didn't know the brain can actually remember drawings (in detail)!!

And no more labs! Those long dreadful, time consuming lab sessions are just not effective in teaching me. I learnt nothing mostly. All I know is that I have to finish it FAST. Who cares about the results in your report. Everyone alters it anyway.

BUT.. I discovered that I was dead wrong. Cancer Chemo does have organic chem. DARN! and this final sem, they have GMP lab! WHAaaaart?!? (where's my potassium manganate-stained labcoat??)

Discovered I can be a workaholic... a record of 26 working days non-stop *beam* (freak, I know)
I didn't know I could do that.. Hehe.

Rediscovered a long abandoned hobby
Not exactly abandoned, I do it when the exam week kicks in (for a different purpose). I just don't have the time to and those pharmacology books are thick enough to turn it into a phobia. After a 3.5 years hiatus, it's nice to dig into a good ol book and read till the wee hours in the morning.. ahh..

Enter final year...
No more "I don't know the dose" cause you are expected and supposed to know them. But I still don't. I will when exam comes.

First exposure to hospital clerking and all.. Pretty interesting at first. Tiring but rewarding (in the sense that when it's not your group's turn, you get Wed n Thurs off!)

Enter final semester
More hospital. Now it's just clerking at different wards.

First was at Medical Ward. Nice consultant. Threw us a few questions which left us feeling stupid. But he was nice enough to explain to us and ask us to join his ward roundings.

GMP lab! Help me..

Got a nice sprain
Always wonder how it is like and I got my prayers answered.

Strenghtened friendships
I discovered that I am blessed to have friends who geniunely care, are there for me when I needed them, to lift me up when I fall, and most importantly, stand by me throughout. For this, I am grateful and am truly blessed.

Existance of freak of nature
They are REAL!

2006 will be the year that I was waiting for for the last 3.5 years. Now that it is here, I am not exactly looking forward to it especially come the month of May where I'll finish the final exam of my schooling life and things will take a dramatic change. Everyone will part their ways after being classmates for 4 years.. No more classes, no more lectures, no more assigments, no more reports, heck, no more labs.. basically, no more a student. I don't like that thought.

Anyway, I am sleepy so I'll just shut up.. for now.

The beginning of an end

2005-12-27T05:07:00.000+08:00

I must admit that I was somewhat excited about starting the semester. No, I am not ready to go back to uni but I kinda miss all those nerd action and my friends. Maybe it's because it IS the last semester of my final year!

In true UCSI style, the day started with the 9am class being cancelled only to be told at 9.30am. Classic.

Then come 11am - GMP. Aha.. The first person to enter the room was none other than the one that I thought I got rid of last year. As usual, throughout the hour I was hearing voices only.

Next, 12pm - GMP. Still hearing voices.

Looking bleak already.

Lastly, 4pm - GMP again. At last! Someone who talks clearly enough for those boring boring topics to penetrate my cranium.. for the first 30 minutes.

GMP is sucky. And it's only on the first day, and those labs have not even begun!

A Christmas tale

2005-12-26T04:41:00.000+08:00

A few months back, I was standing in front of a mirror in Theme deciding real hard, fighting a mind battle of practicality vs preferability - champagne or maroon?

Practicality won eventually and I got champagne but somehow it's jealous twin, maroon seems to be lurking and leering everytime I walk into Theme.

Then yesterday, Cheryl passed me a nicely wrapped red box. Felt like a shoe box.. uhuh..

To my uttermost surprise, it's maroon

edit: didn't include pic as well

Haha. Welcome to the family!!

God bless her =)

~*~

God is indeed Almighty. Sprained my toe while practising yesterday. The next day it hurts like crap and decides to swell up. Of all days, it has to happen at such a time. Couldn't really move properly let alone dance, but nothing can stand in God's way. I was limping my way to the stage and when the chords to 'Angels from the Realms of Glory' were played, I took my first step. Am amazed and in awe. My feet wasn't stiff and it doesn't hurt. It felt normal. I could move and execute steps like I was never injured. Praise God!

A belated MERRY CHRISTMAS to all~~

Of drugs and glass slippers

2005-12-20T04:27:00.000+08:00

Community clerkship isn't as bad as I've expected it to be. Mainly, because

The pharmacist is really nice and helpful (he too hails from USM.. *it's a small world afterall~~*)
The place is air-conditioned (THANK goodness! but it can be bad when it's rainy, poor me was shivering)
It was fun watching how all those loaded mrs splash their cash
And the best of all, I was there only 4 hours a day, 5 days a week!

HAHA.

What did I get from it? other than the expected knowledge to crap up a report

A whole collection of brochures (they can be quite interesting when no one is free to talk to you)
A RM 117.40 Seretide inhaler to play "puff-me-up" with
Free health magazine to oogle at
Freebies from suppliers

Don't you just love the word, free?

There goes 2 weeks which is equivalent to half of my holidays. As if to make up for my deprivation, I went on a shoe rampage! Bought 5 pairs throughout this hols. 4 of them on 2 consecutive days. Talk about madness. Before you crucify me, it's 50% off.. all of them! It'll be an absolute sin if u don't possess them. Look,

edit: I didn't include the pics here due to laziness.. To oogle at them, you can go to the old blog for now

So, tell me, can't resist rite?

Only 6.25mg

2005-12-09T01:55:00.000+08:00

The discovery occurred when I was chatting with the pharmacist during my (now second) community pharmacy attachment.

It's bout this little pill...

Discovery on Day 1: Sildenafil

First, it was developed for some heart disease.

Then it was found to be more of use for ED. Hence the sole indication for now.

Today, I heard that a patient uses it to lower BP... effectively.

Case-report: He was on antihypertensives combo but despite that, his BP readings spikes. Then he found that by taking 6.25mg (a quarter of a tab) of sildenafil and his BP dropped 10 mmHg after just 2 hours (talk about fast onset of action).

Curiosity of the day

2005-12-05T04:57:00.000+08:00

I am curious.

Why is it so difficult for some people to apologise?

Would it hurt their E.G.O flashing so prominently across their forehead in neon green?

Would it make them feel weak, succumbing to admitting their mistakes or weaknesses?

Would it make them lose their air of superiority, so thick that you can slice it with a knife?

Would it wake them up from their surreal dream of I-Am-A-PERFECT-~~donkey~~ being?

Would by saying those words cause them a bad case of warts spelling L.O.S.E.R across their nose?

As you and I know, many types of people make up the world. Variety, we call it. Kills the monotony. That's what makes the world oh so interesting ;->

Surprise, surprise...

2005-12-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

Yeps.. I don't know how this happened. It was a rather impulsive thought.. followed by equally impulsive action (of course), i started my very own blog.

Initially thought i would only consider starting one if and when the MOH posts me to some Timbuktuland for my government service so i can rant about:

the hospital (workload)
the people (helpful vs. obstinate)
the food (vege alert!)
the accomodation (no cockroaches please)
the neighbourhood (karaoke neighbours vs. renovating neighbours)
the weather (it's different from KL!)
the shopping facilities (survival essential), and
how i will appreciate good ol' KL ..

but as "life is unpredictable".. so is my fickle mind. Therefore, this bloggy thingy might just stop as impulsively as i started it. We shall see..